Hour of our Meeting
by Lendlaer
Summary: If you think Legolas gets into a lot of trouble At home, think what happens when he comes to our world! Doing chores, going to school, getting arrested? A cute comedy about frendship, no romance. PPPLLLEEEAAASSEEE RR, it's my first fic! Cowrit Devie Saves
1. Stuff Him in the Closet

Disclaimer: I didn't write this on my own. The credit for most of this chapter at least is owed to Devie Saves. 

Also, Tolkien owns Lord of the Rings. I only own my original plots and characters.

Chapter 1

Another typical day. The strangest things always seem to happen on typical days. I was roller blading down my street, thinking about the math test I had tomorrow and that I should probably study. It was a warm autumn day, and I was thoroughly happy with the wind ruffling my hair which was pulled back into a loose ponytail and the smell of the first days of fall.

I was looking down at the black street, wondering about things that most people never think about. I looked up as I reached a turn, and saw, ahead of me, someone walking down the street. I kept my eyes on him, noting the strange way he was dressed. As I got closer, I noticed that he held a bow at his side. 'What in the world?' I thought.

The man was looking around him. He wasn't saying a word, just observing, his mouth somewhat agape, as if in awe. In a second, however, he noticed my presence. His eyes widened, and in one swift motion almost too fast for the eye to see, he reached his right hand back and grabbed an arrow from the quiver on his back and notched it to his bow.

Suddenly, I realized who I was looking at. My mouth fell open and I fell to the ground as I skidded to a stop. He stood still, the arrow pointed, still, at me. I didn't move from where I lay on the ground; partially out of shock, and partially out of the will to stay alive; I didn't want to test the genuineness of the arrow he held.

Slowly, he approached me, and as I grew more and more sure, he grew more cautious. He spoke something in a strange language that I could not understand as he came but a few feet from where I lay. When I stared at him strangely, he spoke in my language. "Disarm yourself."

I slowly stood and raised my empty hands. After seeing no weapons on me, he lowered his bow to his side and replaced his arrow in his quiver. "Getting your halloween costume a little early, aren't you?" I said. He looked at me strangely. 'What's wrong with him?' I thought. "Or...are you Orlando Bloom?" I asked, my eyes widening. 

"I know nothing of the name you speak, if indeed that is what it is," He said slowly. I stared at him. Why did he speak so strangely? 'This,' I thought, 'had better not be one of Devon's sick jokes!' But as I looked him over, I realized he looked, smelled, spoke and seemed one-hundred-percent Middle Earth. I took a deep breath, and suddenly the name burst out of me.

"Legolas?!"

He gave me a strange look and nodded. "I am Legolas Greenleaf of the Woodland Realm." he said formally, "You know of my name?" I could not believe it. He was the REAL deal! Legolas was actually here! The real Legolas, not Orlando!

"OH MY GOSH!" I screamed. "LEGOLAS!" His eyes widened as I flung myself at him. I felt the fabric He wore and the wood of his bow, which I think he was having second thoughts on having lowered. I stared in awe at his fair face and his golden hair. I reached up and brushed away a bit of his hair to expose his ear. My fingers felt the tip, tugging at it gently in wonder. "It's REAL!"

By this time, Legolas was looking thoroughly nervous. He backed up a step or two and put a couple feet between us. Then he looked down at my feet. "You have wheels. . ." he observed, 'On your feet!" I did everything I could to suppress a burst of laughter.

"Just shoes," I said, "Gosh...I mean...Legolas!!! How did you get HERE?"

"Get where? To this land of demons?" I tried not to laugh.

"Demons?" I asked, "Where?"

"All around!" he said, gesturing with one of his hands. "Everywhere, I cannot feel the whisper of the trees because of it. There are strange things that aren't alive, but they move." He gave a critical look around him before settling his gaze once more on me.

"Where are you going now?" I asked, deciding we could figure out how he had gotten here later..

"I know not," he answered simply. 

A wide grin spread across my face and a wild plan formed in my head. "Come," I said, then I grabbed his wrist and sped off down the street.

* * *

I skated fast, but luckily Legolas was able to keep up. Duh, because he was an elf. A cute one, at that.

We reached my house, and I ran inside pulling him (though he was reluctant) behind me and slipped past my mom and up into my room. I shut the door before he could say a word and turned to him.

He glanced around. "Is this... a healing room? These bottles..." he said picking up a nail polish, "I've never seen such vividly red herbs." 

"Okay," I said, ignoring him, "You can sleep in the guest room tonight."

"Sleep?"

"Come on, I'll teach you all about my world!"

"Your world?"

"Come to the garden!"

"Garden?"

I grabbed his wrist. "WHAT???" He was sweating by now and putting in a fair amount of resistance.

* * *

It was around dinnertime before I finally calmed down, and began examining the problem of keeping Legolas hidden, and feeding him. I asked him, "What do you like to eat?" He stared at me (he seemed to do that a lot) and then shook his head. "I will eat nothing of your world." 

I sighed. I had done my best to explain to him about cars, computers, and pretty much everything in my world, but he was still wary of anything I presented that was different. "What will you eat then?" He opened a small bag slung across his chest, and pulled out a package wrapped in leaves.

I felt my mouth dropping open. 

"Lembas bread??" He nodded, and looked at me puzzled. "You have heard of this?" I nodded, but I didn't really feel like explaining the movies or books right now. I was relieved when he didn't ask, but shocked when he broke off a tiny piece and handed it to me. I stared at it and turned it over in my hand. 

He laughed at me. "If you have heard of it, then you should know it is not poison." I nodded and took a tiny nibble. At first it seemed tasteless, but as I took a slightly bigger bite, a taste I could not describe flooded my mouth. It was like the wind, the sea, the trees, and all things beautiful had been contained in this tiny morsel of bread. I thought of maple suger and candy that I liked, but nothing could compare with this! 

Legolas smiled at the face I was making. "It pleases you?" I stared at him and nodded. He laughed and took a small bite himself. "This is what I shall eat."

* * * 

Before I went to sleep that night my thoughts drifted over to the elf in the next room. I had tried to figure out how it was that he had come to earth, but nothing seemed to be logical. Of course, the fact that he really existed wasn't logical either, but that was beside the point.

I wondered faintly if he was king yet, but my thoughts faded into oblivion, and I drifted into a deep sleep.

* * *

I woke up with a start in the morning and rushed into the guest room. I was about to yell his name, but something stopped me. 

Something wasn't right, but I couldn't put my finger on it. He looked so cute, just lying there, his eyes closed in a deep sleep. Suddenly I realized what was wrong and rushed to his side, shaking him violently. 

"Legolas!" I yelled. "What's wrong?!?!?!" His lips cracked in a small smile, and his blue eyes flickered open. "I was wondering if you would leave a SLEEPING elf in peace" he said, grinning at me. "But, considering I know about Middle Earth, you didn't think I knew that elves sleep with there eyes open?" I asked, somewhat shocked at the realization that he had just played a joke on me.

"Well," Legolas said, sitting up and rubbing his forehead, "With all the lectures on 'Earth' that you gave me yesterday, I'm surprised I WAS sleeping with my eyes open."

I heard shuffling downstairs and gasped. "You have got to hide!" I realized. "Okay, I gotta go to school, so I'll find you a good place to hide today while I'm gone."

"Wha-" Legolas' protest was cut short as I yanked him out the door. I rushed him to my room, and just as my mom entered the hallway, I stuffed him in my closet.

"Sh... and don't make a sound... and don't leave this room!!! If my mom sees you..." I slammed the closet door shut as I heard my mom nearing. A muffled 'OW!!' came from the closet and I felt guilty as he pulled his finger out from between the door and the frame. "Sorry!" I whispered.

***

I walked into the kitchen after school. "Mom, I'm back!!!" No answer came, so I assumed all was well. She hadn't a clue that Legolas was here when I had left that morning, so hopefully Legolas had been wise and stayed put.

I tramped happily into my room, but almost fell after I got a couple steps inside and saw what was going on. "Fwaaa???" Was all I could muster to say at the moment. Two wide pairs of eyes stared at me.

Legolas smiled, and was about to say something, but Mom cut him off by making a couple of muffled noises from behind her gag.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!" I yelled at Legolas, who jumped a bit in surprise. He was standing beside Mom, who was tied with Elven rope to my pink swivel chair with a gag over her mouth, which was, coincidentally, a sock. There was a red strain on the floor on front of my dresser. Legolas had one of his twin knives in hand, and my mom looked utterly terrified. 

What do ya think? What will happen? Next chapter soon! 

To Read is Human, to Review is Divine!


	2. The Confrontation

Disclaimer: Tolkien owns Lord of the Rings. I only own my original plots and characters. And I wrote this chapter all by myself! *sticks tongue out at Devie Saves* 

Chapter: 2

*flash back*

"WHAT DID YOU DO!" I yelled at Legolas, who jumped a bit in surprise. He was standing beside Mom, who was tied with elven rope to my pink swivel chair with a gag over her mouth, which was, coincidentally, a sock. There was a red strain on the floor on front of my dresser. Legolas had one of his twin knives in hand, and my mom looked utterly terrified.

*end flash back*

Legolas looked at me calmly. "Ah, you have returned." I gaped at him, then ran to Mom's side and tried to unbind her. The Elven rope was tied securely in knots that I knew I could never get undone.

"Release her. Now," was all I could say, but I guess the tone in my voice told Legolas to obey, at least partially. He did not undo the ropes, but he removed the sock from Mom's mouth. She stared at me, and then at Legolas, and said, "Kara, isn't that..." "Yes, Mom," I interrupted her. "This is Legolas, Prince of the Elves in Northern Mirkwood. 

Now it was Legolas' turn to stare. "How is it you know this?" He asked, his brow furrowing in a look of puzzlement. "It's a long story," I said, still trying to undo the ropes. "But first, why don't you untie my mother, and we can talk about what happened here." 

He dipped his head in a sign of submission and slid his knife back into its sheath. His fingers flew over the ropes, untying the knots with amazing speed.

As soon as she was free, Mom rushed to the door and stood by it, looking warily at Legolas, and he glared right back at her. I tried to maintain a serious face. "All right, Mom's story first," I said. "And don't look so scared Mom, he doesn't bite." 

Legolas stared at me, obviously even more puzzled at the expression, but I ignored him and gestured for Mom to speak. "Well," she started shakily. "I was simply walking down the hall, and I thought I would get your laundry. I walked into the room, and the first thing I see is him," she jerked her head toward Legolas, "Standing at your dresser, and staring at, well, one of your bras." 

I could feel my face turning red, for I could almost perfectly imagine the scene. "Ah," was all I said, and nodded for her to continue. "Naturally I screamed, and the next thing I knew I was in the chair, and he had stuffed a sock in my mouth." 

I nodded my understanding and turned to Legolas. " And what's your side of the story?" I asked, not sure I really wanted to know. "It is very simple." He said in his calm, smooth voice. "After you had pushed me into the box in the wall, I waited for a long time. Soon it began to get close, and hard to breath. I wished to get some air, so I opened the door and walked into this room."

He glanced around at the posters adorning the walls. "I wished to see if there was anything that could heal my hand, when I noticed my image on the wall. That was when I spilled the strange liquid." He indicated the stain on the floor. I mentally kicked myself for forgetting to take down the Lord of the Rings poster. 

"I was merely curious about the strange things in your room, when suddenly I heard what in I thought was an orc scream. I whirled, only to see this woman throwing a large basket of fabric in my face. That was when I tied her. When she wouldn't stop screaming, and the sound was hurting my ears, I used the only gag I could find." He handed me the sock. 

As I stared at them, glaring at each other, one wary, and one calm, I suddenly saw the total absurdity of the situation.

Legolas and Mom both looked surprised as I doubled over in laughter. I was literally rolling on the floor with tears streaming out of my eyes. When I finally calmed down, Mom was glaring at me, and Legolas had backed up as far away as he could. 

"I...I...I'm sorry," I gasped. "You should*gasp*have seen your faces!" With that I collapsed again on the floor, still chuckling. I looked up, and Legolas said, "I fail to see the mirth in this situation." Mom stared at him a moment, then turned to me. "I must agree" she said. "But if you are quite finished **I **should like to know how that, person, got here." 

"He's not a person, He's an elf, Mom" I corrected her. "And I really don't know. Maybe this would be a good time for you to tell us, Legolas." I stood up and crossed my arms. "Well," He started, but Mom cut his short. "If there's going to be a long story, I want to hear it sitting down. Let's go down to the living room and I'll make some drinks, then you two can fill me in on what's happened here." 

I smiled. That was Mom, ever the mother. I motioned for Legolas to follow me down the stairs and into the living room. "Sit down" I said. He sat gingerly on a wooden stool, and I flopped onto the couch, propping my feet up on the table. 

Legolas eyed me disapprovingly. It was obvious he didn't think a lady should sit in such a position, and I felt a wicked urge to practice my backbends and flips from gymnastics, just to see what he would do. I suppressed it, though, and sheepishly removed my feet to a neutral position. 

Mom came into the room carrying a Mountain Dew for me, and a mug of tea for herself. She looked quizzically at Legolas, then asked "Um, I'm not sure what you Elves drink, so do you want some water? Or maybe some juice?" He shook his head. "I need no refreshment, thank you." I hid my smile at his elegant way of saying things.

"Now" said Mom, sitting in her favorite chair. "Why don't you tell me what is going on here?" I looked at Legolas. "Why don't you tell us how you got here, then I'll fill Mom in on what I know." He nodded and leaned forward. "Well....

************************************************************************

Hee hee, I love cliffies, don't you? My eternal thanks to the ONE person who reviewed, 

open eyes: Glad you liked it! 

Next chapter soon! 


	3. How Did He Get Here?

Disclaimer: Tolkien owns Lord of the Rings. I only own my original plots and characters. I wrote this chapter by myself, too!

Chapter: 3

*flash back*

"Now" said Mom, sitting in her favorite chair. "Why don't you tell me what is going on here?" I looked at Legolas. "Why don't you tell us how you got here, then I'll fill Mom in on what I know." He nodded and leaned forward. "Well...."

*end flash back"

"I was hunting in the..." 

"Wait" I cut him off. Mom glanced at me disapprovingly. "What year is this, in your world? Is it before or after the war?" Legolas stared at me. 

"If you are referring to the War of the Ring, then after." I nodded. 

"Is Aragorn king yet?" Mom asked. Legolas stared at her even more. 

"Yes, but how is it you seemed to know so much about me and my world, but I know nothing about you or your world?" I giggled. 

"We'll show you later. Continue with the story." Legolas fingered with his bowstrap nervously. 

"I was hunting in the southernmost reaches of Fangorn. I was enjoying being where I could hear the trees, when suddenly..." 

"Where was Gimli?" I interrupted again. 

"At the camp," He said, staring at me. I nodded. "Go on, please."

"Suddenly I came upon a small wooden hut. There was a strange feeling about the place that spoke of evil, but I decided to investigate anyway. As I entered, I felt as if I had entered a different world. The hut was bigger on the inside then it appeared, and it was filled with strange liquids and ancient books."

Legolas looked as if he were angry at himself. "I knew I should have left then and there, but I decided to look around a little more. As I was paging through a large book, that was filled with spells, the book slipped from my fingers and fell to the ground, knocking over a flask. 

The flask fell to the ground and broke, spilling the contents all over the floor. A large piece of glass flew up and hit another flask, knocking it off the shelf too. The two liquids mixed together and ran onto the book. Out of that sprang a...a..." 

"A what?" I asked, totally drawn into the story.

' I know not. It was like a black hole in the world, and it was pulling me into it. The next thing I knew, I was in a very small field, with strange demons around me and tall buildings towering above me." 

"Wow," was all Mom said. "Any idea what the hut was?" I asked. Legolas wrinkled his forehead in thought. "Well, it could have been left over from some old Istari's magic, but I know of no Istari that would be so careless." I nodded, then jumped as Mom gasped. "I wonder...if...maybe..." 

"What, Mom?" I asked eagerly.

"Perhaps... well...didn't Sauroman used to walk in those woods?" Legolas nodded and my eyes widened with realization. "Couldn't that have been his hide out?" 

"It cetainly could of," I said firmly. "Now how did he get to our house?"Mom asked accusingly. I retold the events of the past day, with Mom laughing a bit as I described explaining to Legolas about cars. Legolas shook his head and muttered something about demons. I kept quiet about the lembas bread, though, for fear Mom would want some and we would take from Legolas' supply

Finally I sighed and turned to Legolas. "Well, now that everyone knows how you got here, we can figure out how to get you home." He nodded, and Mom coughed. I turned to her. "What is it Mom?"

"Well I was just thinking, the first thing we should do is go to the place where he first came in, and see if there are any clues as to how to get him back." 

"Great idea, Mom, but you sound like some sort of detective." 

'Whats wrong with that?" she asked indignantly. I smiled. "Oh nothing." She frowned, and then suddednly jumped up. 

"Oh my gosh!" She exclaimed. "Look at the time! I have to get to work! Look, we'll figure this out later, just show Legolas around, make sure your dad doesn't see him when he gets home, and for heaven's sake get the Elf some normal clothes. I'll see you around 8:00." 

Legolas stared in surprise as Mom grabbed her purse, kissed my forehead, rushed out the door and drove off in one of the "demons". 

I sighed. "Well, gotta do my chores, Leggy, why don't you help me?" He winced at the use of his name, and I laughed. "Sorry, _Legolas,_" He smiled weakly, and and replied, "In that case, I will help you."

* * *

An hour later, Legolas was in the attic cleaning, just so he could be working **and **be as far away from me as possible. It wasn't my fault, he just happened to be in the way when I was throwing out the dish water. Of course, I don't normally wash the dishes by hand, and if I did I would do it in the sink, not in an old bucket that requires me to throw out the water. But...I...didn't want to freak out Legolas any more then he already was. Compassionate, aren't I? 

As soon as he was done, he walked carefully down the stairs and washed his hands. I stared in amazement at his wet but spotless clothing, as it would be impossible for any human on the planet to complete such a job and have clean clothes. He, of course, ignored me, but finally after much begging on my part, he consented to forgive me for the dishwater incident. 

I disappeared into my father's clothes closet to find Legolas some normal clothes, but my father was a small man and I knew Legolas' tall frame would never fit into his clothes. After much searching I gave up and said, "I suppose you'll have to wear what you are wearing right now until Mom gets home."

He looked down at his damp clothes, then at Dad's modern outfits. "I think I would prefer it." I laughed at his scared stare. 

"Well, now that the chores are done, you said you wanted to know how we knew so much about your world." He nodded warily. I grinned. "Alright then, follow me."  


We walked into my room, where I pulled the Lord of the Rings Bookset out from my shelf. I handed it to him. "Can you read in the common tongue?" I asked.

He nodded, and opened the first book. He read for a few pages, then stopped, and looked up at me in wonder. I smiled. "Almost everything that happened on that great journey is retold in those books. And this," I pulled a large green book of of the shelf, "Is the Silmarillion, the history of Elves and Men, and their quest for the Simarils. It tells of Morgoth and the Valar, and the awakening of the children of Iluvitar." 

Legolas turned the pages of the books slowly, then faster and faster as he began to recognize events he read about. When he came to the part of Boromir dying, He said sadly, "I had suspected it to be so, but Frodo and Aragorn would never speak of it." I nodded. 

Suddenly Legolas held his hand up to his face. As I stared in astonishment, small tears began to run over his cheeks and splash onto the pages of the book. 

Aww, sad, I know. I'm working on the friendship angle right now.

Thanks to all my WONDERFUL reviewers from chapter 2! It seems like we have a lot of Legolas lovers, but that's ok with me!

LegosGrl: Thanks! I've got some more humor written out, but I'm trying to get a little bit of sweetness in here, because I want them to become good friends. More laughs next chappie though, I promise! 

aka-kitsune-chan: Thanks a lot! Don't worry, he's going to school alright! A school infested with, well, you'll see.

Samwise the Brave: Thanks! Yeah, I know it's used a lot, but I'm doing what I can to make it interesting. Glad you liked it!

Legolaslover: Thanks you so much for reviewing!! I'm writing as fast as I can...not that my cowriter is helping *gives Devie Saves a death glare* Ahem, thanks!

leggylover: Trust me, I'll be updating faster than that! Thanks! 

Ok, I think that's everyone, Love you guys! 


	4. Ada Comes Home, And Peril At Target

Legolas is Tolkiens. The books are Tolkiens. The rest is mine and Devie's (who actually took part in this chapter I will admit, thank you Devie) 

*flash back* 

Suddenly Legolas held his hand up to his face. As I stared in astonishment, small tears began to run over his cheeks and splash onto the pages of the book.

*end flash back* 

"I think I'll go get some water" I said, backing awkwardly out of the room. I sensed that Legolas needed to be alone, but I didn't want to leave him for to long, for fear he might destroy something.

When I came back into the room five minutes later, Legolas was standing by the window with his left hand rested gently on the sill. The trilogy books had been put back into their box and in place on the bookshelf. Legolas had the Silmarillion in his hand, his thumb idly marking a page. "It seems that every detail of the history of the First Born is preserved in this book." He said, turning toward me. 

I nodded. "It is very long and precise."

I noticed his eyes were not red, but there was a faint trace of tears down his face. "I'm sorry," I said moving beside him, "I didn't mean to upset you. You okay?"

He nodded. "I am fine. You must forgive me; it was...unnerving to see all those events retold so perfectly." He sighed sadly. "Sometimes I wish I had not lived so long as to see so far back the tales and events of Middle Earth. I am sorry, memories can do much."

I shook my head. "There is nothing to be sorry for." He smiled. Suddenly the sound of a car made me remember. "Oh my gosh!" I said, clapping a hand to my mouth. "My dad's home! You have to hide!"

Legolas set the book on my desk and backed away as far as possible. I guess he was remembering what happened the last time I said that. I laughed at his wary face. "No more closets, I promise." He looked relieved. 

I glanced quickly around the room, looking for any good hiding places. "The guest room, quick!" Legolas was about to say something when I heard the front door opening. I grabbed his hand, not waiting for protest, and pushed him into the mentioned room.

I shut the door and leaned against it, looking casual just as Dad came up the stairs. I smiled at him. "Hi Dad, how was work?" 

He sighed. "Same old, same old."

I nodded sympathetically. "Do you think you'll get that promotion?"

He shook his head wearily. "I don't know and I don't care right now, honey." He smiled faintly at me. I heard a small sound behind me and realized that Legolas was listening on the other side of the door.

"Well, I'm going to go take a nap," Dad said cheerfully. "When's dinner ready?"

"Umm, soon. We're ordering pizza tonight, I said, as an idea came to my head. "Oh, and Dad? Do you mind if a guest joins us for dinner? A...friend of mine from school is coming over. Dad shook his head. 

"As long as she has good manners." 

I snickered inwardly. "Oh, very good manners. And it's a he, Dad."

Dad nodded. "Ah" He said knowingly. 

"It's not like that!" I cried. He just nodded and walked into his room.

'Dads' I thought angrily, but at the same time laughing at the thought of Dad meeting my 6 foot 5 'friend.' "Ok Legolas, you can come out now," I whispered, opening the door. Legolas walked out and glanced around.

"Was that your Ada?" 

I giggled. "Yes, that was my Ada. But here we call them dads. He nodded. "Well, Legolas, looks like we need to deck you out as a typical middle school kid." He stared at me warily as I looked him over. "I think we'll have to walk down to the Target and get you some real clothes."

* * *

10 minutes later we were in the Target about a half a mile from my house. I had made Legolas leave his bow and arrows behind, but he was still wearing his Elven clothes and was getting some strange looks from the other shoppers.

I tried to ignore them and rushed over to the men's department. All I had was $30 from savings, but I hoped it would be enough. I knew Mom would pay me back later.

I sighed as I looked over the racks of men's clothes. Everything looked like it was more then I had with me, but I knew I had to get Legolas some new clothes. Then I saw a sign, 'CLEARANCE.' I smiled with relief and dragged Legolas over to it. 

I picked out a pair of camouflage cargo pants for $10, and a $5 T-shirt that read Skate 4 Life. Looked like Legolas would have to look like a skater boy, that was the furthest extent of my knowledge.

As we stepped into the thankfully short line, I noticed Legolas looking over his shoulder.

"What is it Leg...uh....Legolas," I whispered his name, not wanting people to recognize it.

Legolas looked puzzled. "There's a girl over there that is staring at you." I glanced over the racks of clothes, then ducked down.

"Holy cr....!" I stopped myself from cursing. It was my best friend, Devon. She knew as much about Lord of the Rings as I did, and I knew if she saw him, she would recognize him right away.

I know this chapter wasn't as funny, so the next one is going to be longer and funnier, I promise. Thanks to my small amount of reviewers from chapter three...

Devie Saves: I'm not even bothering to answer that one.

Hmm who do you think: ETHAN I'M GONNA KICK YOUR FAT LITTLE BUTT! Ahem sorry, everyone please ignore my idiot brother who I should have never given my penname. 

aka-kitsune-chan: Thanks! We have a lot of stuff planned, but he'll get to school in about two or three chapters. Keep reading!

LegosGrl: Thanks a lot! Glad you liked it. I hope you aren't too sad.

Did you know that we story writers, especially LOTR story writers, feed off of reviews?

So, you wouldn't want us to starve, would you? 


	5. More Peril at Target

*flash back*

"Oh cr....!" I stopped myself from cursing. It was my best friend, Devon. She knew as much about Lord of the Rings as I did, and I knew if she saw him, she would recognize Legolas.

*end flash back*

I pulled Legolas down so she couldn't see him anymore, then slowly we crawled toward the bathrooms. I guess he had learned not to question when I did something strange, because he gave little resistance.

When we finally reached a spot where Devon couldn't see us, I straightened up and sighed with relief. She hadn't followed us. Legolas looked at me inquiringly. "She's one of my best friends," I explained. "She knows...about...you..." I trailed off, realizing Devon would be one of the few people who would understand and not think that I'm crazy. 

I sighed again and looked at the ground. To reveal Legolas, or not to reveal Legolas, that was the question. I knew that Devon would keep it secret, but I didn't like the idea of anyone else knowing about Legolas. She could want to keep him here, not let him get back home! 

No, I wouldn't let her meet Legolas. Not yet at least. I looked up to tell Legolas what we were going to do, but he wasn't there! "Oh my gosh, Legolas, where did you go?"

"I'm over here, Kara" Legolas' voice said from the next aisle. I hurried toward it, he sounded worried. As I rounded the turn, what I saw stopped me cold. Two girls, about 16 or so, were pressing up against him, holding out papers and pens.

'They think he's Orlando Bloom' I realized. Legolas looked pleadingly over the tops of their heads at me, and I almost laughed. Instead I sighed and shook my head mockingly as I walked up the aisle and, taking Legolas' hand, dragged him away from the two girls. 

I ignored their squeals of "Hey! Get in Line!" and quickly ducked into the produce department. "Legolas, Legolas, Legolas," I said, shaking my head. "Why is it you can't keep out of trouble?"

He grinned. "What can I say, the ladies love me." 

"Wha...You've been watching TV, haven't you!"

He stared at me. "If TV is that strange box where the small people live, then I suppose so."

I nodded as I looked down the aisle, only to see Devon holding a bunch of bananas. "Oh no," I said.

"What is it?" Legolas asked. I pointed, then before he could say anything I grabbed his shirt and pushed him behind a large stack of boxes. "Don't make a sound," I said, silently praying Devon hadn't seen him. 

I walked what I hoped was nonchalantly up to a display of peaches, making a show of picking the perfect one. I spun around as someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was about to say "Legolas, I told you to stay put," but it was Devon. 

"Leg...Deeevvvooon. I purred sweetly. "What a surprise to see you here!" She nodded, but stared at me quizzically. "So how are you doing on the big project?"

"Oh, fine. I've almost got the research done."

"Great!"

I noticed Legolas stepping out from behind the boxes and looking at me. I made a face and a motion for him to get hidden. Devon noticed my movement and turned to look behind her just as Legolas stepped behind the boxes. 

"What is it Kara?" She asked. 

"Oh, nothing," I smiled. 

Just then Devon's mom, bless her, called out, "Devon, time to go."

"Well, see ya later," I said, trying not to sound like I wanted to get rid of her. 

"Yeah" she said, walking off, but I noticed her looking over her shoulder at me.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I walked over to the boxes and pulled Legolas out. That was close," I said as I started for the checkout line. Legolas followed me.

"You said that is one of your best friends?" He asked. I nodded absently, but just as I chose a short line I heard Legolas mutter loud enough for me to hear, "Not another one." 

I whirled on him and threatened to slap him. He started laughing hysterically, and I didn't speak to him most of the walk home.

Hee Hee, more fun with Devon next chapter. Thanks to all our WONDERFUL REVIEWERS, which include

blue alien: Thanks! Well, so far we haven't starved, so that's good. I WISH Legolas was my boyfriend, but I don't think we're making this one a Legolas romance.

open eyes: Thanks, glad your back reviewing! Ok, I told Devie I would if I got any requests, so I hope this chapter was long enough for you.

kairi: Thank you so much! I like your name, it's pretty. I'll update as fast as I can.

LegosGrl: Thanks a lot! I'm working on making chapters longer.. I could tell you were hyper, but it's all good. When I'm hyper is when I get my best writing done!

Silver Chaotic: Thanks! I hope so too. Yes, I'll ignore that, but it's a nice saying. Also, I like your name, it sounds, well, like my life! ;-)

Ahem, and now, a word from my inept cowriter... *Filia Regalis cringes as Devie Saves slaps her, then runs off to find Legolas for comfort*

Yo, Devie Saves here! 

Hey, thanks to all the reviewers out there! This story is turning out with a lot of reviews. 

FYI, I, Devie Saves, am one of the authors of this story, we just agreed to put it up under Filia Regalis' name. I think it's going quite well, and if you've noticed, Filia Regalis has gotten most of the credit for the last few chapters, cause she's done most of em, but you'll see more of my writing in later chapters. But I have helped with the last chapters, really. It wasn't all her. I AM a faithful cowriter!!! 

Oh, and if you saw the review I gave Filia for chapters 2 and 3, I'm really not as much of an idiot as I sound. Okay, I can't lie to my reviewers... I guess I AM as much of an idiot as I sound... but I'm really not too bad to know. 

*"HA!" comes from out of the room which is cut off by "Legolas! There you are!"*

Uh, yeah. Hope ya keep reading!!! (we've got GREAT plans for the upcoming chapters...) 

Signed, 

DDG 

~Servant of the Sea~

*Filia Regalis comes back with stars in her eyes and little hearts flying around her head. She is quickly followed by Legolas who, coincidently, was swimming in the pool, so is dripping wet and looking so hot in trunks.

Devie, unable to take it any longer, gets up and starts a catfight with Filia, who has Legolas defending her. While Devie continues to fight Legolas and try to flirt with him at the same time, Filia Regalis sneaks over to the keyboard*

Ahhhhh. Anyway, now, as a last comment, my usual little saying about reviewing...

The mouse of the reader is moving....the time to review has come. 

(Eheh, I think I read that in another fic...Oh well. It's like in the trailer, when Legolas says, "The the eye of the enemy is moving." And then this one guy, in purple underpants, starts...Well, if you haven't see the trailer, I won't spoil it for you ; p I need to go rescue Legolas from Devie...)


	6. Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

*Not very important flash back*

I heard Legolas mutter loud enough for me to hear, "Not another one." I whirled on him and threatened to slap him. He started laughing hysterically, and I didn't speak to him most of the walk home.

*End not very important flash back*

When we reached home, I decided to forgive Legolas and quickly pushed him into the bathroom to change before Dad saw him. "Hurry up" I whispered. "I'm going to order the pizza."

I called in, ordering pepperoni and pineapple. Most people think that is a sick combination, but actually it is quite good and I would recommend it.

When I knocked on the bathroom door, no one answered. I peeked inside my room, and saw Legolas standing in front of my mirror. He seemed to have figured out the clothes alright, but as I got closer I saw the pants were on backward and the shirt was inside out.

Shaking my head, I walked over to him and tried to explain how to figure out which way was which. He understood quickly and got the clothes on correctly. Uh... AFTER I had left the room!

"Now," I said. "I probably shouldn't have, but I've invited you to dinner. You have to come, and at least try some of my favorite food. Oh, and we have to fix your hair!"

Legolas stared at me warily as I fiddled with his soft, blond hair. I decided the best way to make it cover his ears was a low ponytail, and Legolas winced when I tied it with a small elastic band. "What's the matter?" I asked.

"Never has my hair been so disgraced by such an un-Elf-like fashion!" He said sadly. I sighed in exasperation. 

"Live with it!" I jumped as I heard movement from down the hall, and realized Dad was up. "Ok, you go outside, and act like you just arrived. Ring the doorbell."

"Doorbell?" He asked as I pushed him toward the front door.

"Just push the button!" I said as I thrust him outside and closed the door as quickly and quietly as I could. I waited for about thirty seconds before peeking out through the window. There, Legolas stood patiently jabbing at the button on his pants.

I clapped a hand to my forehead, as I felt a headache coming on. I opened the door quietly. "Uh Legolas?" He looked up. "THAT button." I pointed. 

"Oh," He said, staring at the doorbell quizzically. I sighed, shut the door again, and waited. Suddenly, one, LOUD, long ring sounded through the house. I covered my ears and crouched, "LEGOLAS!!!" my mind screamed. Thankfully, after about twenty seconds it stopped, and of course, my dad was in the room within the second. Then, before I could open the door, about thirty fast, one-right-after-the-other rings sounded, continuing and continuing. Not waiting for him to finish, I threw open the door and shoved his arm away.

"Hi _Steven_," I said, unnaturally loud, pulling him roughly into the house and closing the door. He looked at me strangely. I raised my eyebrows, hoping he would catch my meaning, but he just looked at me even stranger. He opened his mouth to say something, but I clamped my hand over his mouth. "Oh, Steven, I found your jacket at school... here... it's up in my room..." I smiled at Dad as sweetly as I could while sprinting up the stairs dragging Legolas across the floor behind me.

After we reached my room, I let go of him with a great show of aggravation. "STEVEN! Get it, that's your name now. For tonight, anyway." I had shown him a picture of a skater boy, a former crush of mine. At first he had been totally repulsed, but after the first shock he asked if he had to get an earring in his tongue. I said no, but it would look cool. He had then hit me with my pillow. "Come on. You remember what I told you..." He nodded reluctantly and made a face. I glared at him.

After a moment, we began to walk down the hallway toward the stairs. Then I remembered something, and grabbed my jacket off my bed and shoved it into his hands. "Pretend this is yours!" I said. Unfortunately, it was pink and said, "So many boys, so little time..." very largely across the front. Dad was waiting for us.

As we descended the stairs, Legolas slouched loped slowly. I almost laughed; he was doing a great job. His jaw was very relaxed, so that his mouth was hanging open just a little. He had a weird, cool, bored-with-the-world expression that was too perfect. When he saw Dad, though, he smiled big. 

Dad did the same and shook Legolas' hand warmly. As he shook, Dad began scrutinizing Legolas closely. He obviously thought this guy looked way to old to be in high school, but he tried to hide his feelings and began to say something stupid about the weather. 

Just then, thank heaven, the pizza guy came and rang the doorbell. I exhaled and went to answer the door. When I paid the guy and came back in, Dad had taken Legolas into the kitchen and was giving him a detailed tour of his toaster collection. 

I rolled my eyes and set the pizza on the table. I glanced up at the clock, and saw that it read 7:45. "Okay," I said, "do you guys want to wait for Mom, or eat right away?" Legolas looked at my dad. 

"Sure, let's eat!" My dad boomed, and I hid my face in embarrassment at his weird laugh. I sighed and got out the plates. We sat at the table, Dad at the head and Legolas and I on either side. Dad looked at me.

"Oh!" I said, smiling sheepishly. I bowed my head and motioned for Legolas to do the same. He obeyed, though looked puzzled. "Thank you Lord, for this day, for this food, and for all you have done for us. Amen." 

I opened the box and lifted out three slices of pizza. I set one on each plate, and pretended to bite into mine. I was actually watching Legolas as he lifted the strange food on his hands. I bit into mine, and raised my eyebrows, hoping he would bite into his. 

My eyes widened with anticipation as he raised it to his mouth. His eyes glared at me, just before he bit down. He looked confused at first, then made a strange face as he chewed the food. He looked at me strangely, but I pretended not to notice and began saying something about school.

Dad had taken no notice of any of this and was busy devouring his second piece of pizza. But I did notice that Legolas ate the rest of his slice.

* * * 

Just as we finished, the door opened and Mom walked in. She stared when she saw Legolas sitting at the table, but I spoke before she could say anything. "Mom, this is my friend, Steven." He nodded politely and Mom smiled a big, fake smile.

"Nice to meet you, Steven," she said pleasantly. "The pleasure's all mine," He said formally. I grinned nervously "Well, Steven, guess we better get to work on that project. He looked at me strangely but nodded and we went upstairs.

  
"All right!" I said a loudly as I dared. "You go, Legolas!" 

"Go where?"

"Uh, just an expression. It means you did an awesome job." 

He grimaced. "Thank you, but can I now change out of these uncomfortable clothes?"

I laughed and nodded. "But first tell me, did you like the pizza?"

He nodded and smiled at the thought. "I have never had such a strange or delicious concoction. I must see if the cooks can make it back home." His smile faded at the thought of Middle Earth, and I coughed nervously. 

"Uh, you can change now. My dad goes right to bed after dinner. Don't ask me why."

* * *

Just as Legolas came out of the bathroom, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it." I yelled as I rushed down the stairs. I flung open the door, then stopped short. It was Devon. 

"Hi, Kara," she said. "I'm here to work on that project." 

"Oh my gosh! I totally forgot" I said, my mind racing. I had told Devon yesterday that she could come over and I would help her with a history assignment. "Look, Dev, um, this isn't really the best t...." 

Just then, at the worst possible moment, Legolas walked into the room, adjusting the string on his bow. I heard Devon scream behind me, and before I could stop her, she flung herself at Legolas just as I had only a day ago. 

* * *

I closed my eyes and put my face into my hands. Devon was babbling something about Orlando Bloom, and Legolas was backing away from her. I saw his hand move to one of his knives and wondered absently if that was my cue to interfere.

"Devon!" I said in what I hoped was a commanding tone. Commanding or not, she stopped talking and turned to me with 

* * *  
a look of adoring wonder in her eyes. 

"What is HE doing here?" She asked incredulously.

"Actually, nothing," I said bluntly.

Legolas was pressed against the wall, and while staring at her steadily proclaimed, "I am Legolas Greenleaf of the Woodland realm." Devon's eyes widened and she seemed to stop breathing. 

She froze for about thirty seconds, and just as I was about to hit her on the back or something to make her breathe, she drew in a long breath. I breathed a sigh of relief, glad she hadn't freaked out, but just as I was about to thank God, she screamed.

Legolas jumped a bit and began edging his way toward the door.

I drew an exasperated breath. "DEVON! Calm down! It's a loooong story......"

* * * 

After we had finished the story, Devon had finally calmed down. By then my mom had joined us, so we sat in the living room to discuss the problem of keeping Legolas hid until we could get him home. Actually, Mom and I were discussing the problem, and Devon was whining her inputs on keeping Legolas here.

I noticed Devon was giving Legolas looks out of the corner of her eyes, and he was continually moving closer to me, as if _I _was going to protect him from my spazmatic friend. I laughed out loud at the thought of this muscular warrior cowering behind me, with a bunch of teenage girls trying to get at him.

Legolas turned to me. "What brings you mirth? How could you find joy with _her_ in the room with us?"

I giggled and clamped my hand over my mouth, but didn't answer.

"Legolas," Mom said, "do you want to sleep in the guestroom again?" 

He cocked his head. "I think...I would like to be under the stars tonight."

She nodded understandingly. "I'll set up a cot for you on the patio." She stood up to do just that, and Legolas went with her.

* * *

When she came back, Legolas wasn't with her. "Where's Legolas Mom?" I asked.

"Outside. I needed to talk to you two without him."

I nodded and waited for her to continue. She took a deep breath. "I'm afraid you two are going to have to take Legolas to school with you.

"What!!?" Devon and I said in unison. "Mom," I exclaimed. "We can't! He'll never make it! EVERYBODY will know him!"

She shook her head. 'He can't stay home. Your father is taking the day off tomorrow. He'll freak."

I leaned over and banged my head on the coffee table until it hurt really bad. I sat up and took a deep breath. 'Ok. He can wear the clothes I bought for him today. I'll have him wear a hoodie so no one can really see his face."

"But Kara," Devon protested. "What about Becky?"

I felt like crying. Becky was crazy about Orlando Bloom. She would recognize Legolas before you could say he wasn't. "We just have to hope she gets sick or something. Now, He can't come into to class, so he'll have to keep occupied. Guess we'll figure something out.?" 

Devon looked skeptical but she nodded, then we went upstairs to work on the project. It was going to be a long day at school tomorrow.

* * * 

I was about to go to bed when I heard a noise that sounded like a combination of dog barking and Elvish curses. I groaned and hurried outside to see what my Legolas. I tried to open the back door, but found that it was blocked.

"Legolas," I called, and pushed aside the small curtain that hung over the window. My view was blocked by what looked to be an elven cape. "LEGOLAS!" I yelled louder, and pushed even harder on the door.

Suddenly the door gave way and I fell forward flat on my face. Strong arms lifted me from the ground where I lay, not sure whether to laugh or cry. "Are you all right?" Legolas' soft voice said from beside me. 

"Fine," I replied huffily as I brushed myself off. "What happened?"

"Well, I was in front of the door and unaware of your presence, when I felt you pushing so I stepped aside, not expecting..."

"Not that," I said wearily, cutting him off. "I mean with the barking and all..."

"Oh! Well, that animal was making a horrible noise, worse than any orc I have ever heard. I was attempting to politely request for silence, when the little beast reached up and tried to close it's jaws around my hand. It must be some breed of warg..."

I looked over the yard and saw Peekee, my neighbor's Scottish Terrier. He had gotten out again, the third time this week. "Oh, don't worry about him." I sighed, "Here, I'll make sure he doesn't bother you." I coaxed Legolas close to the now growling Peekee, and picked up the furry creature. 

"Now Peekee, what nasty thing for you to do," I crooned, stroking the dog's brown fur. "Here," I said, taking Legolas hand. I brought it closer to the little dog. Legolas looked wary but he did not protest as the tiny nose snuffled at his hand. Then a small pink tongue flicked out and swiped over Legolas' knuckle.

Legolas started at the gesture, but I smiled. "He likes you!" I said happily. I always seem fake and weird when I am tired, and this time was no exception. Nonetheless, Peekee was quiet and even wagged his tail when Legolas reached out a tentative hand and stroked the dog's little head.

I staggered back to bed a few minutes later and prayed that nothing more would happen. Spending all day with Legolas was exhausting. Thankfully, nothing more was heard from Legolas or Peekee for the rest of the night.

* * *

When I got up (VERY EARLY!) the next morning I went outside, hoping that the too-quiet night didn't mean another disaster. But I felt a little pang of warmness as I saw Legolas. He lay on the cot on the patio, his eyes open in the strange Elven sleep. Peekee lay curled up right in the pocket of his crossed arms, also asleep; his little tail wagging in his doggy dreams.

**********************************************************************

Reviewers are so special....

blue alien: Thanks! Just to let you know, It is ME, Filia Regalis, who does all the authors notes, unless otherwise specified. In fact, I wrote the whole 2nd AND 3rd chapter by myself! So, don't insult me. We're both insane, just ask Devie! Trust me, the next chapter is coming. No emails, please! ;-)


	7. Fruit Loops and School Girls

Here it is! The long awaited school chapter! What will happen? Only we the authors know...

*flash back*

When I got up (VERY EARLY!) the next morning I went outside, hoping that the too-quiet night didn't mean another disaster. But I felt a little pang of warmness as I saw Legolas. He lay on the cot on the patio, his eyes open in the strange Elven sleep. Peekee lay curled up right in the pocket of his crossed arms, also asleep, his little tail wagging in his doggy dreams.

*end flash back*

I couldn't help but smile. "Legolas," I whispered, not wanting to surprise him. Still, his eyes suddenly focused, and he turned his head to look at me. "It's time to get ready for school."

Legolas uncrossed his arms, which woke Peekee from his slumber as well. The little dog stood up and licked Legolas' cheek, then jumped to the ground. Legolas grumbled in disgust and wiped his face, and I giggled.

"What a strange animal," He commented as Peekee ran back home. "One moment he wishes to dismember my hand, and it takes only the span of the next to be rubbing against it in contentment." Legolas frowned and crossed his arms over his chest again as he stood.

"Dogs." I agreed shaking my head. "Let's go get ready." I showed him my school books and my unfinished-due-today history project. I think he had an inside laugh as I scrambled to write the last few paragraphs of the huge essay. Luckily Dad had left for his golf course, so we didn't have any problems there. We then sat down to eat breakfast. Now THAT (if nothing else so far) was an interesting experience.

Considering the success of the pizza last night, I decided to see if I could get Legolas to eat some cereal. This time, though, he adamantly refused. I ignored him (as I had begun to do very well) and poured a LARGE bowl of Fruit Loops tm. I was going to make it Cocoa Puffs tm, but considering I can't stand the cereal myself, I decided to be merciful. Sort of.

I sat him in the chair and set the huge bowl in front of him. When he saw it he immediately stood up and started to walk quickly away. I grabbed him by the back of his leather jerkin and pulled him back into the chair. When he tried to get up again, I ran upstairs and swiped his Elven rope. He had, of course, disappeared by the time I came back down.

After hunting all over the house, I finally found him in the furnace room and dragged him back to the kitchen, where he planted his feet and refused to sit. I, however, was now as determined as he was, (which is saying a lot) and spinning on my heel, l marched away. I waited until a spider on the ceiling distracted him, and with a yell, I threw myself at him. I tackled him with a force that a pro football player would have been proud of.

He landed squarely in the chair, while I, being over balanced, landed in his lap. Before he could say anything (or see the bright red cherry that had become my face), I jumped up and began wrapping the rope around him. My knot tying skills were not perfect, but I wrapped it tightly and then bound the ends as best I could. I guess it was enough because though he squirmed and glared at me, he could not get free.

"Payback for tying up my Mom," I said, sticking my tongue out at him. He just glared at me more, and I glared right back before going to get the milk. After pouring it, I got a spoon out of the drawer and dropped it in the bowl. "Alright," I said, "Time to eat."

Legolas' eyes widened as I picked up the spoon, full of cereal, and brought it close to his mouth. He clamped his mouth shut, but I held on to his nose and forced the spoon into his mouth. 

As soon as my hand was away from his mouth, he spit. He then began moving around as far as the rope would allow him, and accidentally bumped the table, which cause the bowl of cereal to fall. I miraculously caught it, but as I did almost all of the contents sloshed out and splashed onto Legolas and me.

"You moron!" I yelled, then in total frustration I fumbled with the knots of the rope and set Legolas free. He stood quickly but before he could run away I grabbed his jerkin again. "Just try it!" I pleaded. He glared at me, but after one look at MY rivaling stare, he quickly took the bowl from my hand and reluctantly ate the last spoonful. 

His reaction was much the same as with the pizza. He cringed as the spoon entered his mouth, then a look of surprised lit up his face. The surprise turned to puzzlement, and the puzzlement to possible enjoyment. "Not as bad as drinking a vat of Morgul poison," He said with obvious exaggeration.

I drew a ragged breath and bowed my head. It was then that I noticed the hysterical laughter that had been in the background for a long time. I looked up and saw Mom standing in the doorway, clutching her gut with one hand and wiping tears from her eyes with the other. I glared at her, and she laughed harder at that.

"You.....You....You two shoulda.. shoulda SEEN YOURSELVES!!!" She gasped, "Oh, I wish I had my camera! You guys were worse than siblings!" She then dissolved into laughter again. 

I stalked out of the room, but not before I saw Legolas reaching for the box and quite unconcerned began pouring himself another bowl of Fruit Loops tm. 

* * * 

I did not speak to him on the car ride to school, nor did he attempt to speak to me. Mom had finally stopped laughing, but every once and a while she would burst out giggling for no apparent reason.

As we walked up the steps, I noticed there was something that made him very conspicuous, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Then it hit me. 

"Legolas!" I hissed. "For goodness sake slouch, will ya? It's bad enough you're 6 feet tall, but everyone will notice if you have good posture, too! I mean, honestly, It's High School!"

We walked into school together, Legolas slumping uncertainly and I proceeding him stiffly. A few of my friends regarded the hooded stranger with me suspiciously, but aside from a few nervous "hi"s, no one said much to either of us. 

At one point we passed a really pretty girl, and he lifted that darned perfect, pale, angular face that would surely attract everyone's attention, to get a better view. After I jabbed him pretty hard in the ribs, however, he hastily lowered his head again.

I realized that he would in no way be allowed to enter classes as a stranger, and anyway, it would attract too much attention. So, as I was about to head in to class, I gave him strict instructions to stay out of trouble and out of sight, and left him in the hall.

Now, while I was in class, Legolas decided to roam about in the halls. He went up to a locker and carefully inspected the lock that hung from it. He turned the knob a bit, seeming very interested, and noticed a little click, hardly discernable even with his hearing. He played with it for a minute, adjusting his turns with every click, until a very loud click made him jump and the lock snapped open. 

He jumped backwards (which of course made his hood fall backward as well) and let go of the lock in surprise, eyeing it suspiciously. After a moment, he approached it again, and took it from the door.

Carefully and slowly, he began to open the door. After it was open a few inches, he thrust it open wide. Legolas gave a small cry as a tumble of items burst forth from the locker. He frantically shook the things from himself and examined them. There were a couple books and some smelly, odd-looking pieces of clothing. After he was finished, he peered inside the opening. 

He gasped as he saw what hung on the walls: pictures of himself. He carefully fingered a picture that showed him with a raised bow and an arrow notched to it. Then he noticed some other pictures of a man that had the same exact face as himself, but his hair was short and dark, not to mention he was shirtless in some. He spent a very long time studying these pictures curiously, a look of awe upon his face.

Eventually, class ended and I left the classroom and headed to my locker. As I neared, I saw Legolas at the open locker beside mine, with his hood off, and everyone would have been able to see his face if his head hadn't been hidden inside the locker. "Oh no..." I said, and began to run toward him. But before I could reach him, Becky, the owner of the locker he was intruding upon, came up.

"Yo, What're ya doing in _my_ locker?" She said, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at him from behind her glasses. When Legolas didn't move, she pushed a lock of short, blonde hair from her eyes and grabbed his shoulder, turning him around and forcing him from her locker. 

At first she didn't quite notice who she was looking at, but she noticed the picture of Legolas behind him and froze, recognition flashing across her face. 

"OH MY GOSH IT'S LEGOLAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Becky screamed frantically, her hands flying to cover her mouth. Then, out of her stupid, prissy, girlish instincts, she began screaming in a high-pitched voice and jumping up and down.

Needless to say, every head in the hall turned toward -- yep -- us. And, of course, within a moment, he was being mobbed by a frantic bunch of teenage girls. Somehow I finally fought my way through, and was able to pull him away from the scrambling crowd. Quickly, I pulled him out the door of my school building where it was safe. I grabbed his collar and promptly shoved him against a tree.

"You IDIOT!!!" I yelled, getting in his face, "What were you THINKING?" I said. Then I gave an exasperated scream and threw my hands above my head. "Whatever!" When I turned around he was still against the tree; he had one hand tenderly touching himself where I had grabbed and shoved him. 

His head was cocked to one side a bit and he was staring curiously at me. I felt anger well up in me again. I wanted to shout, 'Stop staring at me, you idiot!' but I didn't see the good in that. I did know I could never show my face at school again without being bombarded by every teenage girl in the school.

"KARA???" To make everything just wonderfully, perfectly, astoundingly better, out comes Devon. "You guys better get outta here, those idiots inside are still crawling over each other, but you probably don't have much time before they realize that Legolas isn't there." I nodded. I knew it was true, but right now, I didn't trust myself to approach Legolas. If I did, he might not walk away with such a pretty, perfect, fair, pale face.

* * * 

Mom looked very surprised when I stalked in the door, Legolas still following me. It had taken us about 45 minutes to walk all the way home, and not a word was spoken, except when Legolas tried to ask about why Becky had all those pictures of him. A look from me shut him up very quickly. 

When she asked the -- I admit -- innocent question of "What the heck are you two doing home?" I said coldly, 

"This IDIOT just HAD to tamper with a locker!" 

I threw my bag on the couch and dropped down next to it. Legolas remained standing meekly by the door as I continued.

"And, of ALL the lockers in the whole freakin' school, he just HAD to pick Becky's. And, he just HAD to figure out the lock combination with his PERFECT hearing. And, he just had to stand there with his hood thrown back UNTIL BECKY CAME BACK TO SEE THE RESEMBLANCE BETWEEN HIM AND HER PICTURES!! AND HE JUST HAD TO STAND THERE WHILE SHE SCREAMED AND ALERTED THE ENTIRE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"Oh," Mom said. 

Hee Hee Hee, wasn't that fun? I hope you had fun reading it, cause we had fun writing it! Here's My co author Devie to answer the *sniff* few *sniff* reviewers...

Yo yo, Devie Saves here, once again! *screams and clatters come from the readers as they scramble away* 

To SilverKnight: Wish granted!!! Thankz 4 reading! 

To Kairi: ugh... I TOTALLY disagree with the pizza thing, *Filia slaps her* but thanks for reading. Hope you like and review the new chappie!!! *a little note from Filia, "Personally I applaud your obvious 'taste' in pizza." *Everyone smacks Filia because of bad pun. Back to Devie's note*

Hey, peeps, stick to the story, you wouldn't want to miss seeing Leggy face-to-face with a cop, would ya? But you can't miss anything between! Hope you're here next chapter to go to art class with us!!! Namarie! 

*end Devie's note*

Ok, see ya soon. Anyone who reviews gets this (***) bowl of Fruit Loops tm in their next author reply! 


	8. Art Class

Note: Just to let you know, this is a JOKE. Devon never has been nor ever will be in love with Clint from Art. The thought of it makes me shudder.

*flash back*

"And, he just had to stand there with his hood thrown back UNTIL BECKY CAME BACK TO SEE THE RESEMBLANCE BETWEEN HIM AND HER PICTURES!! AND HE JUST HAD TO STAND THERE WHILE SHE SCREAMED AND ALERTED THE ENTIRE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"Oh," Mom said. 

*end flash back*

I didn't speak to Legolas for quite a long while. After my tirade at Mom I stormed up to my room, shut and locked the door, and sat down on the bed. I couldn't believe what an IDIOT Legolas was!

Slowly, as my anger began to cool down, I realized that I couldn't blame Legolas, he didn't know any better. I apologized and we got back on...tolerable terms.

Legolas ate Lembas for dinner that night, and pretty much kept quiet in my room, except for the episode with the laundry shoot.

See, in my room, there's a little doorway in the wall. I throw all my dirty clothes in it, and they fall down the shoot into a basket at the bottom. There, in the basement, my mom can put them in the washer, no problem. Actually, I'm surprised Legolas hadn't noticed it before, on his first inspection of my room. Maybe he had, but he had been too preoccupied with...other things. 

Whatever the case, he saw it when he was confined to my room, and, in his natural, perfect Elven curiosity, he HAD to go over and inspect it. He opened the little door and peered down the small tunnel. It was dark down there, but his Elven sight saw something only a little way down the shaft. 

He reached as far as he could, but even his long arms couldn't reach it, whatever it was. He shifted his body until he could fit both arms through the small doorway, then reached again. 

Of course, in doing that, he lost support and promptly lost his footing on my carpet. After struggling for a moment, his sharp brain realized that he was, undoubtedly, unarguably, stuck.

Everyone at the dinner table jumped in surprise when a stream of Elvish curses rang through the room. (That suspiciously sounded like they were coming from the far wall) Mom stared at me hard, and Dad looked around in utter surprise. 

"What on earth is that? Hehe, I didn't think the paint job was THAT bad." He asked incredulously, and Mom raised her eyebrows at me. 

"Oh...Well...I...I must have left the TV on. Silly me. I'll be right back."

I hurried away from the dinner table before Dad could say anything and rushed upstairs. I threw open the door to my room, and hissed, "Legolas, shut u..."

I trailed off in utter disbelief.

There was a small moment of stunned silence before I erupted into laughter. At the same time Legolas renewed his squirming and yelled at me. "Just quiet down and help me out!" 

I stumbled over and try to pull him out by his leg, but I was laughing to hard to get any kind of a grip. Legolas was growling Elvish in a low, menacing voice, which of course only made me laugh harder.

Eventually Mom came up to see what was wrong, and after she had laughed herself out too we worked together to pull the poor Elf out. As soon as he was free Legolas stood up and brushed himself off, obviously trying to regain a little personal dignity. Good luck to him there.

After that the night passed uneventfully and in the morning, I prepared for Art Class, while Legolas sat in the kitchen and poured bowl after bowl of Fruit Loops tm. 

Then it was time to pick Devon up. Of course, Legolas couldn't stay home, since my dad was home from work. Devon was somewhat surprised to see him with us, but after we explained she agreed that there was nothing else we could do and as long as our friend Rachel wasn't there, no one would recognize him.

Nothing too bad happened in the car ride, except Legolas kept squirming and, as a result, kept hitting his head against the ceiling. We were all silenced, however, the whole ride there, while Devon had her usual gasps about her crush, Clint, who attended Art Class with us.

"Oh, and his eyes are sooooo dreamy! Oh my gosh Kara he is just so HOT!" She cupped her hands over her heart and sighed. Legolas sent her a very odd look from beside her. How she could rant and rave on about Clint with the cutest Elf on earth sitting beside her in the car was beyond me. Actually, he was the ONLY Elf on earth.

I turned my whole body around to stare her down after about fifteen minutes and gave her a glare that Sam's Old Gaffer would give me a pat for. "I know, Devon, I've seen him. Not to mention you describe him to me every single day! SHUT UP!" Surprisingly, she did. I sighed, rolling my eyes and trying to daydream about my own crush. (Whom I will not reveal in case my brother reads this) Legolas just sat there, bumping his head occasionally and staring at Devon like she was turning into an orc. Maybe, I thought absently, she was.

We got to Art Class, and I carefully explained to Sharon, the head art teacher, that I had a friend that would be visiting, and I hoped she didn't mind. Of course, being the easygoing (but firm) person she was, she guided him to a seat and helped him get his painting started. Once he had the paper, paint, and brushes, however, (being an Elf; naturally talented) he needed no further assistance and proceeded to shame Devon and I, who were assistant teachers and were on our fifth year at the studio.

* * * 

"Ugh!!!" I yelled, bringing back my hand to fling the little bottle of paint across the room. Legolas gave me a very odd stare and held out his hand, offering to try his luck on opening the lid. As he reached out to take it from me, I glared and snatched my hand away, determined to conquer the paint that dared to defy the Great Kara myself. 

The dumb paint lid was closed tight, and no matter how much I pushed it would not open. After a minute or so, I let out another frustrated wail and slammed the paint bottle against the table a few times. Finally, I did what I had vowed not to do, after a few very unpleasant experiences. I snagged the opening tab on the bottle's lid on my lower teeth, and snapped it downward.

The lid opened, alright, but unfortunately, I held a rather tight grip on the bottle's body. I froze, and Devon, who was leaning over to look at Legolas' painting, started to laugh hysterically. I whimpered and quickly threw the paint bottle down. 

I sat there for a moment, immobilized by disgust, before I jumped up and grabbed for the wet rag on the arm of my chair. I began frantically running the rag down my tongue, whimpering and growling at Devon, who still hadn't gained control of herself. Legolas just sat back in his chair and watched, an amused smile playing on his lips.

After about thirty seconds of my unsuccessful attempt to clean out my mouth, I rushed to the bathroom. With that, the whole room erupted in unsuppressed giggles. Only Legolas was content to smile. A few minutes later, I stalked out of the bathroom with a look on my face that could kill even the mightiest of Elven warriors. 

Just one look at me blazing eyes, and Devon sobered immediately, assuming a very composed, innocent pose. I stopped in front of her and turned my face eerily blank. That seemed to terrify Devon further. 

With a terrible effort not to send Devon sprawling across the room, I turned away without a word and sat down in my seat with a huff. The entire room seemed to let out a breath that they had been holding.

I looked around, and suddenly I saw the stupidity and hilarity of the situation. I looked over at Sean, a boy who attended AC and that I was friends with. He looked as if he was trying really hard to hold something in. The sight of his face made me laugh out loud. Pretty soon the whole class was laughing and things were back to as normal as things can be. 

Sharon was doing the usual; moving around the room inspecting her students' art and touching up some of the paintings. Sean, surprisingly, defying his usually out-of-the-way-I'm-shy personality that he normally carries out in his usual seat at the end of the row, was standing by the break table with one of his friends. I watched them for a minute, completely dumbfounded, before I nudged Devon in the arm.

With a somewhat startled "uh, hm?" She turned to see what I was pointing at. Her eyebrows knitted together in disbelief, and with a small chuckle she shook her head. They were taking cheesballs, putting them on their lips, blowing them in the air, and trying to catch them in their mouths. They kept missing them, and, coincidentally, the area within ten feet of them was strangely vacant.

I laughed finally and turned away. I guess he wasn't ALWAYS so shy. There was that incident with the candle... I chuckled remembering him drawing his finger slowly over the flame springing up from the candlewick. I had asked him if it hurt, and he said "No, as long as you do it fast enough." 

Next thing I knew, I had turned my back, and everyone in the room was laughing. When I turned, Sean was bent over, hopping around a little two-foot diameter, holding his finger and crying "OW!". He had just stuck his finger right into the flame and kept it there. A couple minutes after the episode, he held up his finger and inspected it. "Cool," he said, "It's black!" That's one strange kid, I'm telling you.

Then came break time; the class is three hours long, by the way. Devon and I got our plates of popcorn, chips and salsa, and animal crackers, grabbed a can of pop, and sat at our usual place behind Sharon's desk. Once we settled, I looked around. "Where's Legolas?"

"Oh," Devon said, snorting and rolling her eyes, "STILL in the bathroom. trying to wash the red paint out of his hair." I gave her an incredulous glace, not even one doubt forming in my mind that she hadn't had something to do with it. With a smile I remembered one line in our personal theme song: "Instead of painting waterfalls, we're strewing it across the walls". Or in this case, the Elf. 

I had a strange urge to burst out into song, and reveal my thoughts to Devon (not an unusual thing for me to do), but thought better of it and merely snickered. But as I was shaking my head in amusement, I caught the sight of Legolas in the corner of my eye. Turning fully to him, I saw he was talking to CLINT. 

Remember? Devon's absolute obsession crush? He was leaning casually against the wall, his messy (and quite unbecoming) dark brown hair rising in tufts above his forehead. I dared to wonder how much of it was hair and how much was mud, and maybe dog hair.

"And she stared off at nothing, and started talking about your eyes..." I heard Legolas' musical voice and froze. This couldn't be good. "And then she said something about you being hot, but you are not any warmer to the touch than most humans..." I looked behind me and saw Devon's face redden like a raspberry, and I wondered absently if I should restrain her. 

She immediately stalked past me and over to Legolas, who had his back turned. He was still talking to Clint, and the latter had a really funny expression on his face. At least in my opinion.

Legolas' Elvish ears heard Devon's approach and he turned around just in time to meet an all-out, full-force slap across the face. "YOU IDIOT!!!!" That was the second or third time he had been called that lately. Unintentionally, Devon had hit his ear in the process of hitting him across the face, and in case you didn't know, Elf ears are very, very, VERY sensitive.

Legolas' hands immediately flew to his ear, and he stood still for a moment, clutching his ear and hissing. As soon as the pain had passed, the Elf's pale complexion turned as red as a dwarf's, and his hands balled into fists at his side. Then he began yelling, throwing a volley of Elvish curses at Devon. He kept on yelling, --no, screaming-- without a breath, for a couple minutes straight. Devon just stood, dumbfounded and gaping. I would translate to you what Legolas was saying, but this fic is, after all, rated G.

Sarah (another art teacher) was staring at them in confusion, while I, of course, was in the background rolling with laughter. I think that made both of them mad. As we rode home together in my car, I was still laughing. "You've gotten cussed out by a nine-year-old before," I said, "But an ELF???? I NEVER thought I'd see you getting cussed out by an ELF!!!" She and Legolas both turned and glared at me. They were starting to make me uncomfortable.

"Bado mibo orch!!!(Go kiss an orc)" Devon growled, repeating one of the Elvish phrases she had memorized. Legolas cringed, and then a wide smile formed on his lips. As she had told me that a lot lately, I knew precisely what it meant. I smirked and stuck out my tongue. (I did seem to take a dark pleasure in making her mad) 

"Same to you! And to Legolas!" The grin fell from Legolas and was replaced by a devilish, crafty look. 

"Better than kissing you," He commented, smirking. Devon's mouth dropped at this insult but I merely saw it as an opportunity.

"You wanna try it, Elf boy?" He glared at me while Devon tried to hold in her laughter.

"NO, Arwenorch (Lady Orc)" At that we both faced forward and did not speak to each other. We dropped off Devon with out a word, although she was smirking and I think had totally forgotten (for now) that he had just told Clint everything. Legolas had officially (in my mind), established himself as a Pollo del Diablo. (Devil Chicken)

Ok that's all for this week. I think. Maybe. Anyway, hope you liked it. I am very disappointed. We are averaging about 2 reviews a chapter, and that really stinks. Oh well, to those wonderful people who did review...

elohir lover: Thanks, we're glad you like it! Here your bowl of Fruit Loopstm! (****)

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Ok, well, I really don't have much to say except, REVIEW! IF YOU DON'T, NO STORY 


	9. Arrested? What's That?

*flash back*  
We dropped off Devon with out a word, although she was smirking and I think had totally forgotten (for now) that he had just told Clint everything. Legolas had officially (in my mind), established himself as a Pollo del Diablo. (Devil Chicken)  
*end flash back* 

After we arrived home Legolas and I were silent for along time. I had no idea what he was thinking, but I admit that my own thoughts... do not need to be repeated here.

We sat across from each other glaring; both of us incredibly tense, but trying to hide it by assuming a relaxed position in our chairs. Finally, after a VERY long while of this, I sighed and cast my gaze aside. "Come on, let's just forget about this whole thing. She'd have ended up telling him anyway, one way or another. Let's just… go have some fun." Legolas' eyes widened and he practically sprang up from his chair.

I laughed out loud. "No, No. No art classes or laundry shoots or hair dye jobs or manicures. Unless, of course, being an elf, you WANT a manicure." He looked at me pointedly, obviously confused as to what a manicure was but slightly unwilling to know. I stifled my laughter. "_Lasto Lilath Nin!"_ [Listen to my laughter!] I whispered, grinning. He smiled slightly at the use of his own language, but then his face hardened and he glared at me warily. I laughed.

Suddenly, I came up with a brilliant idea. I stood up and grabbed Legolas' wrist. "Come on! Let's go to the park!" Legolas brightened, the name must have sounded somewhat safe to him, before asking exactly what a park was. I dragged him out the door, grinning. "You'll see. You won't regret this." Little did I know, both of us would. Desperately.

* * *

"Oh, gosh!" I cried when we got outside. "Look, I'm sorry Legolas, but you can't take your bow and arrow." He drew back from me with an expression he might assume if I had just told him to kill his best friend. "I'm sorry," I said, staring warily at him. "but there are police there!" I earned myself a heavy stare. "Er… guards. You'd get in BIG trouble. Come on back inside and unload all your weapons."

Legolas looked like he was as close to pouting as an Elf could be, but he reluctantly went inside with me. When we went into the kitchen my mom adamantly agreed with me. Legolas sighed but slowly, lovingly, put his bow and quiver on the table. He then looked up, annoyed, and expectant. I glared at him.

He glared at me hard. Then with a quick flipping movement his twin knives suddenly appeared on the table. Then he took a diamond hilt dagger from his belt followed by an ornate throwing knife from hidden sleeve in his arm, and the same from the other arm. Then a hidden (I guess emergency) arrow.

Mom and I stared in amazement as the lethal weapons piled up on the tabletop. I coughed somewhat nervously. "Some paranoid Elf!" I said under my breath. Legolas turned to me with an eyebrow raised.

"Such is needed to keep oneself alive in Middle Earth." I opened my mouth and closed it again. Mom nodded understandingly, although her eyes were wary. She turned away to cut onions, and I looked out the window, trying to figure out what he was going to wear. I decided I would let Legolas wear his Middle Earth clothes. There was always something strange to see at the park, and it looked like he would just have to be it. Besides, his Target clothes were in the wash. 

We lived in the middle of downtown and there was an inner city park only about 10 blocks away, so Legolas and I had pleasant stroll down the streets; not one absent of stares and pointed fingers, mind you. We arrived at the park that stood in such contrast against all the modern buildings and atmosphere. Finally, the faintest of smiles crept onto the Elf's face and he walked over to a tree. 

With a sigh, he placed his hand gently on its trunk and closed his eyes. He smiled, a true smile, one that probably would have struck me dead then and there if I hadn't been so curious. "The trees are not too different from the ones I know," he said softly, "they still speak." I smiled and walked over to a bench and sat down to watch all of the little kids play.

Legolas wandered from tree to tree, sometimes speaking quietly in his own language. His perfect face twisted in concern for a few that seemed slightly sickly, but each tree seemed to brighten at his touch. I figured he would be okay for a while, so my thoughts wandered and I turned once again to the problem of getting him back to where he belonged. 

I figured this was the park that he had arrived at, but there was no sign of a portal or anything around. I got up and began looking around, trying to look nonchalant. There was definitely no evidence of anything, no clue that would help me find him a way home. I collapsed on the grass in defeat, then looked up to try to locate Legolas. The sight that met my eyes made me want to laugh, cry and scream. I merely stared in disbelief.

Legolas was trying gently, but firmly, to pry the hands of a four or five year old from the hilt of his dagger that he had -- against my orders -- stuck in his boot. Finally Legolas shook his foot a couple times, trying to fling the kid off of himself. The boy detached immediately, but with Legolas' dagger in hand. Legolas quickly snatched the weapon away and took a couple steps back. Being the spoiled thing that a toddler is, he began to wail. Not cry, but WAIL, a sound that could rival any of that that a harpy or banshee could make. 

I watched all of this in utter, stunned silence, and was about to go to Legolas' aid, when a curly-haired, rather plump middle-aged lady came bounding up to where the child sat. Of course, the scene that met her eyes was her son sitting, bawling, under the shadow of a very tall, slim, muscular looking 'man' who had a dagger drawn out in front of him. The lady shrieked, (if it was possible) shriller than her son, and scooped him up before backing away. After placing a few hysterical kisses on the back of the boy's neck she screamed, "POLICE!!!"

Out of nowhere, a cop who had been patrolling the park ran up to where the startled mother and son were, and immediately drank in the look of the situation, as the mother had. The cop pulled a gun and yelled for Legolas to drop the weapon. Looking very confused and just as upset as the mother and son, he turned to face the man that was screaming at him. Not daring to loose his weapon (and knowing nothing of guns) he merely held his dagger in a defensive stance.

"DROP IT, AND NO ONE WILL GET HURT!"

"LEGOLAS!!!" I yelled, "Trust me, just listen to him!" Legolas gave me a hurried glance. "JUST DO IT!" I pleaded. Legolas, after a moment's hesitation, dropped his dagger and it fell to the grass with a soft thump. I picked it up before the police officer could, and luckily he didn't seem to notice. His eyes were trained on Legolas, and the latter was looking equally as wary.

"All right, man, what's going on here." The officer asked sternly. Legolas looked puzzled, for moment, then angry. I was about to intervene, but he cut me off.

"I am no man!" he said angrily. "Anyone should be able to tell that." 

The cop looked surprised, then his features appeared calmer. "Oh, so I suppose your a woman?"

Legolas snorted. "Of course not! I am Legolas, a proud Elf of Mirkwood." I now knew how Jack Sparrow felt when Will told Barbossa who he was. This conversation could only get worse.

The officer made an 'oh' face. "Ah I see. But why aren't you up north with Santa Clause?"

Legolas stared at him. "With who?" I stared at him in total disgust. For all his Elvish senses and ' wisdom,' Legolas obviously had not figured out Elves weren't a common thing on earth.

"You know, Santa Clause." The cop began again. "Long white beard, big jolly laugh, kids love him..."

Legolas face brightened and I tensed, knowing that look all to well. "Oh, you mean Mithrandir!" I clapped a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming, then dropped my head and began massaging my temples. I didn't even look up when the officer spoke.

"Oh, _that's_ what you call him. Well, boy, I'm gonna have to take you to our offices for questioning."

Legolas cocked his head, then looked at me inquisitively. I didn't have to look up to know. I clutched the roots of my hair to keep from strangling him. "Go with him, _Steven,_ trust me. I'll meet you down there." Legolas looked puzzled but followed the officer reluctantly. I sat on the ground a few more minutes before jumping up and running to a payphone. 

"Hello?" Mom's voice said. 

"Mom, get down here now."

She sighed. "What has the stupid Elf done now?"

I grimaced. "Oh nothing, EXCEPT GET HIMSELF ARRESTED!"

"What?!?!" Mom yelped and I heard something crash in the background. "I'll be there in 2 minutes."

* * *

Mom picked me up in rather frantic haste and we drove the few blocks to the police station. We hurried inside, just in time to hear the interrogation. Mom and I listened quietly, watching through a one-way window. Once again the Famous Elvish Wisdom had fallen short of Legolas.

"Name?"

"Legolas Greenleaf of the Woodland Realm."

I could see the cop's eyebrows rising, but he dutifully wrote it down on his notepad. "Occupation?"

Legolas cocked his head. "What is an occupation?"

The other police officer in the room stared incredulously at Legolas, who stared back innocently. The first cop sighed. "It's your job, the work you do."

"I am a warrior, if that is what you mean."

The cop, whose badge read "Officer Peterson", nodded and he stared at Legolas warily. They thought this guy was crazy! I grinned slightly. Maybe he was. "So is that why you had that dagger over that little kid?"

"I had no intention of harming that child; orc descent though he may be," Legolas said angrily. "I was merely trying to retrieve my dagger. It was given to me by my father and I did not want it to be lost to the hands of a mere boy." 

The officer wrote all this down. "And where is the dagger now?"

Legolas shook his head mournfully. "I shall probably never see it again. Kara picked it up. No doubt she'll throw it down that... laundry shoot."

Both officers stared at him, and I snickered as I shifted my book bag, which held the dagger. "We'll get to...Kara later. Where do you live?"

"Well, right now I am living in the guest room at Kara's house. But my true home is Woodland Realm of Mirkwood, in Middle Earth."

Officer Peterson was about to speak, but the second cop cut him off. "Now I know where I've seen you before! My daughter has a poster of you at home! You're that actor guy, Orli or something like that!"

Legolas stared at him. "Orli?" He finally asked incredulously. "Who is Orli?" I clasped my head in my hands. Mom looked like she was suppressing laughter as I sighed deeply. 

"I don't think this is him," Officer Peterson said grimly. "Perhaps some.... lunatic impersonator."

The other man's eyes widened. "Well, we'll have to lock him up until we can figure out what to do with him, or someone comes to bail for him."

Peterson nodded. "Alright Mr...." He looked down at his notes, "Mr. Greenleaf, come with me."

He led Legolas from the room and down some stairs. Mom and I heard the clang of a cell door, and then Legolas' voice protesting profoundly. When the officer made no reply to his angry stream of words, Legolas switched to Elvish. I could practically hear Officer Peterson's incredulous stare. I do admit I caught a few phrases that would have made my ears turn red, if I weren't so depressed.

Then the cop came back up the stairs and saw us standing there. "You know that guy?" He asked. I was very tempted to say no, that I had never seen him before, but thought better of it and nodded my head spitefully.

"Well, you can bail him for $150, but I know I wouldn't." Mom almost gasped at the price, but I stopped her and smiled at the cop.

Then a rush of footsteps and hard breathing came from the stairway. Of all things to happen, it was Devon that sprinted down them. She stopped in front of us and leaned over panting. "I- I got here… as soon as… I could!" she said between gasps.

"What are you doing here?" I groaned.

She smiled sheepishly. "Well, the first day I saw him I gave him my phone number and he… I guess stuck it in his pocket…"

"Oh no," I sighed, "The police found it and called you." She made no reply, just shuffled her feet and stared at the floor.

"Excuse me?" The cop broke in.

"…Yes," I said, recovering strength to my voice, "Could we speak to him for a moment? Please?"

The cop nodded. "Sure. Whatever." He led us down the stairs and through some hallways until we cam to row of cells. Most of them were empty, and the few occupants looked like they were trying to ignore the seething Elf in the far corner cell. "10 minutes." The cop said, then stalked back upstairs, with Legolas still spitting Elven phrases at him. 

I was about to lash out at Legolas, and Mom looked like she was about to do the same. Then the most unexpected thing imaginable happened. We were all shocked into utter silence.

What will happen next? What could possibly shock an angry elf into silence? Find out next time, on Hour of Our Meeting 11! 

Hehe, sorry it took so long guys! Thankfully the next chapter will be up much sooner, cause it's already written! Also, Devie and I were wondering if you guys would like to do an interlude! We'll put an extra chapter somewhere in the story, where all the reviewers who want to and the characters will meet and hang out, do odd stuff, you know! Tell us what you think! Ok, now the replys.....

Anne Shard: Thank you soooo much for reviewing! We're glad you liked it, cause we love your story! Here's THREE bowls of Fruit Loopstm, Because you reviewed every chappie! (***) (***) (***) Don't get TOO hyper on the sugar!

Chibi-Chi: Ok, we're updating. OK, WE'RE UPDATING! Hee hee, sorry it took so long, but we hope you enjoyed it!

elohir lover: Thanx!Oh yeah, sugar is gooder. (I know, I know) Sorry we took so long, but we hope you're not disappointed!

Ainu Laire: Thanx for reviewing! The studio is called Valley View Art Studio, in Blue Springs. Glad you like our story!

Ok, next chapter will be up in a couple days, as soon as we GET SOME REVIEWS! LOL, see ya soon!


	10. Flash to Middle Earth

It's not mine. Nor is it Devie Saves'. It's Tolkien's. Allllllll Tolkiensss, preciousssssssss....Well, actually the plot line is mine as are Kara and Mom, and Devon owns herself like many of the characters from Earth, but it's sssstilll Tolkien'ssss, precioussssssss....

Flash To Middle Earth And....Other Places

"Legolas!" Gimli's gruff voice echoed through the forest and the trees murmured amongst themselves in raspy groanings of protest. "Where is that elf?" He muttered to himself, glancing warily at the trunks that towered above him. "LEGOLAS!"

Suddenly he tripped over a root and fell flat on his face. Gimli came up sputtering. "I'm alright! That was deliberate!" Of course, no one was listening, but to him it seemed the proper thing to shout. "Just like that Elf, gallivanting off into the woods! And leaving me behind..." *_grumble, grumble, grumble* _Of course, by then, even the trees were plugging their ears.

"Where is Legolas?" A gentle, elderly voice said. 

Gimli whirled, his axe immediately ready. He dropped it quickly when he saw who stood there. "You left!" he exclaimed. Gandalf smiled at him calmly.

"Of course I did." Gandalf straightened and adjusted his white hat. "It was my specific duty to return in the proper time, precisely for this fic, just so the plot line could be carried out."

"HEY! YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT! IT'S AU! JUST STICK TO THE DUMB SCRIPT!" Two voices scream from way up in the author's booth. 

"If the script was dumb," Gandalf started carefully, gazing blankly up at the sky, "Then how come..."

"WE are the authors," Interrupted the voice again, dangerously calm and controlled, "which means we can make anything happen to you at any time for whatever reason or lack of that we wish."

Gandalf's face softened and he becomes suddenly very humble. "Ahem... of course.... Let me see... um... where was I... oh yes." 

*Authors mumble quietly to themselves, muttering something about old geezers with nothing to do but ruin other's lives and scripts*

He turns to Gimli once more, who is desperately suppressing a burst of laughter. Gandalf's glare sobered him immediately. "Where is Legolas?"

Completely regaining his composure with confidence that the story would go on smoothly, Gimli replied, "I thought you would know that, because for sure I do not."

"Well, since it is obvious he is not here, we shall to look for him. Come along."

Strange as he had become, (Gimli began to think he had a bit too much Elvish wine) Gandalf proved an excellent companion when traveling in a forest. He whispered to birds and moths, and listened carefully when the trees stirred and groaned in their strange communication.

He moved at an amazing speed through the forest, looking for all of Arda like a white, bearded snowflake being whisked off by the wind. Gimli did what he could to keep up, his short little arms pumping at his heaving sides as his squat legs picked up as much ground as they could. 

Suddenly Gandalf stopped, and Gimli ran into him from behind. In front of them stood a small hut-like structure. It was wooden and overgrown with vines and other such wildlife, but it had a certain air that beckoned you to enter.

Gimli suddenly began slowly inching his way toward it, unconsciously submitting to the compelling desire to thrust open the door and walk in. Gandalf, all at once realizing what Gimli was doing, fairly flew across the distance separating them. 

He knocked Gimli away from the door with his staff seconds before the dwarven hand closed around the handle. He tumbled to the ground, sputtering with rage as he stood up wiping dust from his clothes and mouth.

"Fool! Do not try to enter such a magical presence on your own!" With that Gandalf lifted a hand, and suddenly the entrancing desire was disrupted, and left immediately. "There. I have expelled any enchantment or trap that may be set about." 

Gimli huffed and sent a glare that was supposed to be unnerving, but ended up being more surprised, up at the Istari before setting his hand firmly on the handle and creaking open the door.

They walked in and surveyed the inside of the structure. There were bottles of every color of the rainbow and more, and beakers and old dusty books sat on shelves that covered the walls. Gimli walked over to one and shook a heavy, leather book free of dust. 

"Doubt an Elf would like this place much. Except Elrond, maybe, he seems to fancy these old, long-lost books of lore." He set the book down and turned to face Gandalf. "Did you think that the Elf was hiding in this old hole?"

Gandalf stood behind the dwarf, doing a thorough examination of the walls and tables. "I didn't expect him to be sitting at one of these desks reading a book of spells or re-styling those pretty braids of his, if that's what you mean," Gandalf said coldly. 

Gimli raised his eyebrows and turned away, deciding not to tempt the Istari's mood any more. He wished to leave this cottage with as much of his beard and backside as he came in with.

As he turned, the sight that met his eyes caused Gimli to stumble back and gasp in amazement. Some broken glass lay over a liquid-ruined book. There was a faint wisp of... smoke? Steam? Something that was rising from the mess, as if there had been a fire or something there that had just disappeared. 

"Gandalf..." He said carefully. The wizard turned and rushed to Gimli's side, blocking the poor dwarf's view with his white robes. 

"Well, my friend, I believe I know what happened to Legolas."

"Then would you mind explaining it to one not as fortunate as you?" Gimli sputtered, beating at the robes as to get a view of the strange mess.

Gandalf ignored the rude comment, and continued, "I believe somehow, he knocked over the flasks and book, so they mingled together. This created a.... tunnel, sort of thing, that drew the Elf in and set him..."

"Set him?" Gimli's rough features looked worried.

"Somewhere..." Gandalf trailed off and moved closer to examine the book more closely. As he did, he noticed a small device on the cover. "Isildur's Bane!" He cursed.

"What? What is it?" Gimli tried to get closer but Gandalf held him back. 

"The White Hand," The Grey One murmured. Gimli fell silent and stared at the book. The large handprint was now clear on the cover, and the sight of it flooded both of them with memories. "Well, that explains the magical traps."

"Then what do we do now?" Gimli threw his hands in the air and stalked away. "All we know is that Legolas was whisked away to Eru knows where by some evil magic left over by Saruman!"

"Precisely, Master Dwarf, and now I ask that you close your open mouth so that I can think. A breath mint might do you good as well." 

Gimli glared at the comment, but upon hearing the sharp note in Gandalf's voice he obediently swallowed his next words. 

"When I dispelled the magic, the tunnel must have closed. If I release it, it should re-open. The trouble is, If I do release it, who knows what traps could spring up."

Gimli interrupted the Istari's spoken thoughts. "The way I see it, if Legolas was able to survive long enough to drop a book and break some flasks and get sucked into a tunnel thing, we should be too."

Gandalf turned to him. "That is the first reasonable thing I have heard you say all day. All month. All year. All life! All..." Gandalf suddenly started and cast a terrified glance up at the sky and moved on hastily. "never mind. Very well, we'll see what happens." With that he lifted his staff and suddenly the steam that was rising from the book began to take a shape. 

Gimli stared in awe as a black...something appeared, and right before his eyes Gandalf disappeared. "Well, I'm not going to let some Elf and some Istari have some grand adventure, and leave me out!" He stepped into the tunnel and began the instant journey to a world not his own.

* * *

By the time Gimli had collected himself, Gandalf was standing next to him, muttering something about dumb Elves and their natural curiosity... and something about hair spray? The dwarf merely gazed around, his eyes wide in amazement. To their left was some odd looking people, and to their right stood an enormous wall.

"By my beard! I've never seen anything like it! Never something so wonderful!" He exclaimed. 

"Small wonder, for we are not in Middle Earth anymore, Gimli."

Indeed they were not. The wall stretched on for miles, until out of site. "It must be at least 100 dwarfs high!" He exclaimed, "A mighty dwarf is he that built this! I should like to meet him --or her-- if that be the case!" The strange people stared and pointed at them, while whispering with each other.

Gandalf, who had had quite enough of the wall and not the heart to disappoint Gimli with the fact that his kind existed not in this world, turned to study them.

Their skin was a pale, almost yellow color, and their eyes slanted at the corners. Most of the men had sharp, small mustaches and the women were very small. They were dressed in strange but obviously simple clothing, and they chattered amongst them selves in an indiscernible language.

"Hello," Gandalf addressed them brightly, in the common tongue. "I was wondering if you could give me a bit of direction?"

They said nothing but stared at him with wide eyes. He tried again, this time in Elvish. Still there was no response except wide-eyed expressions of fear. He spoke to them in every language he knew, but to no effect. Finally one of the men beckoned for them to follow him.

Gandalf sighed in relief, and grabbed Gimli, who was still staring at the wall. The strange man led them over a few small, grass covered hills, until they saw not far ahead of them a large, ornately decorated tent. The man walked up to the side, and began whispering something to someone inside.

After a few moments he bowed respectfully to the people inside and beckoned Gandalf to him. He pointed them to a small, almost invisible door in the side of the grand tent. Gandalf strode boldly in, dragging the reluctant dwarf behind. 

"I don't like this place, I tell ye, I don't."

"I understand that perfectly well, but if we want to find Legolas, standing there looking at that infernal wall is not the way to go about it."

Gimli wisely decided to stay silent.

The wizard stopped short at the scene ahead of him. "Well, well, well, what have we here?"

Three strange looking men looked up when he spoke. One of them, obviously the leader, waved one of the other men at him. The second, a short, bald man, walked toward them and bowed respectfully. 

"Honorable Gentle...men from strange lands," He stared at Gimli, who guffawed. A look from Gandalf stayed the words that were on the dwarf's tongue. The odd man went on in a precise but heavily accented form of the Common Tongue. "The Great Kahn is honored that you should pay him such a visit. He asks: 'what is your purpose here?'" 

Gandalf sensed that he was in the presence of some great ruler, and wisely decided to use discretion. "We are looking for a friend of ours, and we seem to have come to the wrong place. If you could you direct us to the nearest tavern, I'm sure we can find our way from there."

Baldy (as Gimli had privately named him) stared at him. "I do not understand..."

"Look here," Gimli cut in. "We're looking for an elf named Legolas. Have you seen any elves around here?"

At "Elf" all three men stared at him. Gimli, looking somewhat embarrassed, quickly tried to cover up. "I see by your faces you have not. Then, if you don't mind, we'll be on our way."

Gandalf grabbed him when he tried to saunter past. "Blithering buffoon!" The Istari hissed. "Keep quiet, if you want to leave here as well as you came in."

He pasted a smile on his face and looked up, this time addressing the leader. "Great Kahn, Our only wish is to find our friend. As it seems you cannot help us, we will indeed, be on our way."

At this chaos erupted. Leader Guy began screaming in some odd language, Baldy began chattering fearfully about something or other, and the third man had pulled from under his cloak an impressive sword.

"You do not address the great Kubla Kahn!" Baldy screeched. 

"Ah, so it's a fight you want!" roared Gimli, who then charged at the armed man with axe in hand.

"Gimli! Don't even..." Gandalf was cut off when Leader Guy smacked him full across the face. 

"Why....I...I'll turn you into a toad!" The wizard seethed. Leader Guy's eyes grew wide as suddenly Gandalf seemed to grow tall and commanding. The tent became very dark and the Istari's voice thundered through it.

All turned to look as suddenly Leader Guy grew very small and, with a pop, turned into a small green amphibian. 

"And he calls me a blithering buffoon," Gimli muttered, a little too loud. Gandalf turned on him. 

"Do you wish the same fate?" He glared down at the dwarf, who suddenly seemed very small and meek.

"Uh no, Sir, and if you don't mind, I think we had better be going." His fight forgotten, Gimli rushed out of the tent, with a still angry wizard following him. 

When they reached the same spot next to the great wall, they saw that the portal was still open and, unfortunately, there was a crowd of the Odd People next to it. 

"Oh no," Gimli sighed.

"Will it never end?" Said Gandalf behind him. "I just hope no one has gone through."

Much to their relief, they found that no one was close enough to get sucked in, and they all seemed to afraid to actually get close enough. 

"Well, Master Dwarf, once again you have made a bungling of things."

"_I_ made a mess of things! You're the one who turned the man into a frog!" Gimli sputtered in outrage.

"Oh, very well. Let's just get out of here before anything else bad happens! The tunnel must have set us in the wrong place. I shall try to mend the magic but I am not sure.... " He trailed off.

They hurried over to the tunnel and felt the energetic pull as they began the journey through time and space.

* * *

As Gimli looked about, he got the strange feeling that Legolas wasn't here, either. Tall, towering buildings rose above him, and humans in strange, green, skintight suits were walking around. A few very strange people were in little boats that were whizzing and, yes, in truth, _flying_ through the air! 

"As lovely as this place seems, I don't believe Legolas is here." He commented. 

"For once we are in accord, Gimli. Back to the tunnel!" 

They turned around and rushed into the portal, and this time, for some odd reason, the journey was not instantaneous. Still, when his eyes began to focus, Gimli was greeted with a sight that at least assured him of Legolas' whereabouts.

Three wide pairs of eyes stared at them when they came through the tunnel. He gasped when he recognized the one who was, coincidently, behind bars. "Legolas!" He cried in delight (and disbelief).

Gandalf's voice mingled with his. "Thundering Orcs! I never thought I'd say this, but FOOL OF AN ELF!"

Hee hee hee I love this! Just to let you know, I don't think I'm accurate on the Kahn thing, (In fact I'm positive I'm not) but it fit so we'll let it go. Right, Devie? *smacks Devie, who was ogling at Legolas behind the bars, upside the head till she finally becomes aware enough to nod her head*

Right! Alright, now that I've awakened her from her daze, Devie will now answer your reviews!

Devie Here!

b.- Thank you!!! We hope you continue to read our story, and we hope to bring you the highest quality of satisfaction that we are capable of! 

elrohir lover- Then we have shared a similar idea. He would be the one, if anyone, to be arrested. So sad, but so true… thank you for the review!!! Hope you read on and enjoy!!!

ERMonkey, Queen of Insanity- Thank you so much!!! I hope you enjoy the rest of it!!!

And finally, Anne Shard!- OMG! I'm SOOO honored to have you reading our story! (I'm so tempted to say mine! ^_^) I LOVE your stories SO much!!! Well... okay... this is supposed to be a review reply, not a fan letter... so moving on... *ahem*… I'm really glad that you like our story! Oh, and the interlude…we got the idea from you… um… do you mind??? Oh, and you don't want to fall in love with Legolas??? That's more than a lot of other people can say…

Hey, people!!! Let's try to beat the record this time: on chapter four, we got eight reviews. Let's see if you guys can beat that!!! Sorry, this chapter came later than it should have!!! It's totally my fault, not Filia's, so blame me. I was busy and it took forever for me to do my part of the writing. But it's here now… so PLEASE SPARE ME!!!! *grabs Legolas and uses him as a shield* (Oh, and by the way, I'm sorry Legolas, but I can no longer flirt with you. I'm going out with Frodo!!!!!)Back to Filia!

Yes! Mwahahahaha, he is mine, allll mine. Unless of course *cough*Anne*cough* I start going out with Faramir.......Ditto to what Devie said about reviews!


	11. Author's Note

Oh, my dear, dear readers. I am so sorry that the chapter has been long in coming. Unfortunalty, you shall have to wait more, but not much longer, I assure you. I shall put up the new chapter Saturday. If I could, I would make it sooner, but unfortunatly, I am leaving for camp and my cowriter has been, shall we say, GROUNDED for an indefinate period. Anyway, to the point of this note. We have decided to have an interlude, it will be after the chapter after this chapter. If that makes sense. If you wish to be in the interlude, please leave a name, a personality, and the character you ADORE in a review. Any character from LOTR. If you don't want to adore anyone, dont worry about it. Oh, I'm afraid Faramir is taken, Kara insisted he be hers, but anyone else is up for grabs, and if you want to adore Faramir, "from afar" so to speak, you can, but there will be little hope for you. Frodo was taken by Devon, but I'm afraid she's been doing a little two-timing with the Witch King.....oh well, more on that in the interlude.

Thank you so much, dear hearts, and now I bid you farewell. Our parting shall not be long.

Filia


	12. Disaster Strikes

Flash Back  
Three wide pairs of eyes stared at them when they came through the tunnel. [Gimli] gasped when he recognized the one who was, coincidently, behind bars. "Legolas!" He cried in delight (and disbelief)

Gandalf's voice mingled with his. "I never thought I'd say this to anyone, but FOOL OF AN ELF!"

End flash back

Horrified and distinctly shocked expressions were what greeted Gandalf and Gimli when they came blasting through the portal that had suddenly popped itself through the air in front of Legolas' cell. It was also quite rare for any Elf to be spoken to in such a way, but the fact of Legolas... well... being Legolas... excused me for not being surprised.

"How on earth did you get yourself into such a ridiculous predicament?" Gandalf growled at Legolas, who was trying to manage an innocent expression while pushing away ones of shock and horror. He was achieving it quite well, actually, but so is it with such as he. Having so much empty room up top gives him the wits in desparate times to rule out stupidity in a beneficial way. Stupid Elf.

Gimli gazed around in bewilderment. "What is this place?" He asked, full of awe. "The walls... they are made not of brick, nor stone... it is some seamless rock... with no need for mortar! Is this a cave?"

"It is a dungeon, you blithering buffoon," Gandalf glared at the dwarf, who immediately shut up. The wizard turned back to Legolas. "Answer me, fool!"

"Kara told me to go with some half-orc, and he put me in his dungeons! It is evil, don't you see...? He has many prisoners!" The Elf gestured to the rest of the room and swept a gaze over it. His eyes stopped at me and his eyes widened, then narrowed. "It was a conspiracy all along!" He cried. Mom burst with choking noise, but abruptly broke into coughing. I rolled my eyes.

"Kara?" Interrupted Gandalf. He turned and noticed the three of us standing near. (Devon was with us too, if you remember) I coughed and stepped forward.

"You must be Gandalf. It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Kara, I found Legolas wandering around the streets. He was... confused... slightly fearful, and quite bewildered. I had no choice but to take him in and tried to figure out what had caused... his dilemma." I paused. "Um, may I ask how you got here?"

Gimli gave Legolas a contemptuous look befor turning to me and throwing his arms into the air. "Through Portals and strange, evil wizard books drenched with mysterious potions which were brought about by the stupidity of an elf we all know and fear, strange eras with a wonderful walls and miraculous wonders, Kubla somethings that were popped into a frogs by a certain hot-tempered (and slightly shaken in the head) wizard, forced into odd times in which flying humans haunted the once-safe skies wearing indecent suits, that is how!!!!!!!!" By now the poor dwarf was panting and red in the face.

I thought it over for a moment before my mind registered his meaning, after placing the necessary spaces between words that were melded by Gimli's shouting rage. Still I didn't quite understand. "I won't press you for details," I said finally. Gimli harrumphed.

"Well," Mom said. "I suppose it's... good that you're here. You could probably help us with the problem of getting Legolas back home."

Gandalf had calmed considerably. "I hope we can, Madam," he said, giving a flourishing bow, which, of course, was only polite from whence he came. "But first, I must know what outrageous descent in human respect and decency caused this Elf to be locked in a dungeon? He is an Elf! And, besides," he said, turning to his culprit, "You should be able to look after yourself...! How far have you fallen, Master Elf, that you should have caused so much trouble to yourself and your friends, old and new, in but a matter of days...?

"I can tell you that, Gandalf. Some little kid had taken his dagger, which I TOLD him to leave at home, and when he tried to get it back the little brat started wailing, bringing a pol... a guard to the scene, who naturally assumed that Legolas was trying to hurt the kid. I told Legolas to go with the guard, because he would have gotten in HUGE trouble if he hadn't..."

"And now we have to pay $150 dollars to get him out of there," Mom added sourly. Gandalf blinked.

"Well, I do not know what currency you follow, or its value, but it seems you do not want to pay such a sum. But, of course, with a wizard handy, there is always an alternate option." He raised his robed arms, quite evidently prepared to blast the lock with his staff. Unfortunately, (and fortunately, perhaps) my mother anticipated his move, and tried to stop him by, of course, blocking the blast. The force of it knocked the wind out of her, and she fell to the ground.

Gimli, being the caring little soul that he is, rushed over to help her up. Now, the one thing I forgot to mention about my mother is that she isn't the tallest of people. Nor is she exactly a "delicate beauty." Oh she's pretty of course, but in more of a rough, "I love camping and pro-wrestling way". Well, naturally, as Gimli bent over and offered his hand, he caught a glimpse into her eyes, which ended up not being just a glimpse at all... and suddenly, it seemed he heard a glorious melody.....

"$#!&$&%$#&$#%!$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" We hear crashes and the previous from another booth next to the author's up in the sky. One author sighs and covers her face in with hands, crying silently. Everything had been going so well. The other stands up, red-faced, and screams, "Ethan, what's happening in there?! I only let you help cuz you're my big brother! All you had to do was play the stupid tape! That's it! You've been practicing for WEEKS!!! Even you should be able to get it right by now...!" She sits back down and mutters something about incompetent techies and strange family murders.

Finally, after some more crashes, "Aha!!!"comes from the techie booth. One more crash, and then....

_"Soooooft,_

_Kisses on a summer's day"_

The characters (and probably the readers) who had been distracted by the goings on in the... er... ceiling... are suddenly brought back to the tale, as Gimli helps Mom to her feet. Mom thanked him graciously, glaring at Gandalf simultaneously. "Oh my goodness, oh my gosh." She said, holding her head in her hands. Suddenly her head snapped up and she stared at me. "Oh Kara, what's your father going to think?"

At that, I too held my head in my hands, not noticing how Gimli's face fell. "Oh, mom, does he, does he have to know??"

She stared at me like I was crazy. "Well, do you think he'll notice the $150 dollars missing from our account...?!"

"Alright, alright. I don't suppose we can hide an Elf, Dwarf and wizard who seems to like blasting things (Strange, actually, since that area is generally managed by Saruman.)" Gandalf chose not to reply to my snide remark, merely sniffing in disdain.

Devon sighed. "Well, no use dragging it out, is it? Let's get it over with." Mom nodded, and just then the police officer came down the stairs. He stopped, staring at Gandalf and Gimli. There was an awkward silence, until he spoke.

"Who are these two?" He asked.

"My father," Mom said quickly, maybe a bit too quickly, "And my cousin... I called on my cell-phone and they came right away." Another silence. Finally he shook his head, a 'Why did I ever take this job, and why won't my wife let me look into the retirement policy' expression. He stared at them a second more, then shook his head again.

"Times up, unless you wanna bail."

"Thank you officer, I believe we will."

"All right," He said wearily. "I'll go get the paperwork." He sighed and stared a moment more before sauntering up the stairs. Devon and I let

out a sigh of relief. "Quick thinking, Mrs. Totensky." Devon said, grinning.

"Yeah Mom, but I have a question." She raised her eyebrows, waiting. "Which is your cousin and which is your father?"

"I am so glad that's over!" Mom said as we walked down the steps of the station.

I sighed. "One nightmare ends, another begins." I said sadly. I stopped wearily after a moment's thought. "Hey, hold up a second." I said. They stopped. "Gandalf, could you get all of you out of here right now and spare us more misery and scorn?"

He looked at the ground. "I do not know," He said in a wizened, gruff voice. "The magic is shaky, I'm not sure that it will take us where we want to go." I sighed.

"Would you be willing to try?" I asked, and he nodded profusely.

"But I wouldn't want to try without the consent of the other parties."

"Right," I nodded, then turned to Gimli.

"Huh, the sooner we get out of here the better, I say." He harrumphed.

"All right then, Legolas....." I looked around for Legolas, but he was gone. Gandalf whirled around, swinging his staff with his robes whipping at his ankles.

"Where did that petty Elf get to?" Gimli roared, clenching his fists and bellowing into the empty lot. "We spent days --or years for all I know!-- traveling through time and space to find that crazy prince, and sure enough, as soon as we find him in some far-off land full of demons and fake stones and cheesy billboards, he's whisked away into the void of impossible searchings and wild goose chases into unknown places that are sure to keep him far from our reach for countless hours of cruel, strenuous hikes!!!" After saying the line in one breath Gimli leaned over puffing, muttering something about run-on sentences and grammatically-challenged authors.

After puzzled glances provoked by the disturbing length of the sentence, the rest of the company turns to each other to decide the best course of action.

"Well," Mom said, "We should probably check any nature-rich areas, police stations, and I'll check at my house..."

"I'll use my magical senses to scan the tunnels of time and place travel," Gandalf said confidently.

Gimli gave him an incredulous stare. "I'll search the clouds for mysterious Elven artifacts!" he said sarcastically.

Kara smiled despite herself. "I love finding shapes in the clouds..." she said in a cheesy tone. She looked up at Devon to see if she had caught their inside joke only to find that she wasn't there. "Devon?" she yelled with a start, after a futile glimpse around her. With a groan the others turned to her to see the next befallen tragedy.

Gimli roared in frustration and yelled a few curses in his own language. Gandalf was searching the horizon with a comical look on his face, and mom raised an eyebrow in... could it be amusement? I glared at her and demanded to know what she thought was so humorous. She couldn't hold back a chuckle. "Don't you see? Them both disappearing isn't a coincidence."

I stared at her oddly for a moment, not understanding the relevance of her statement before raising my eyebrows is realization. "She's kidnapped him!!!" I cried. Gandalf snapped his head toward us with a look of utter surprise.

"An Elf _kidnapped_?" He looked suspicious. "Not a possibility. An Elf cannot be taken any place against his will without at least raising an alarm... especially not by a human child!!!"

"We're teenagers!" I snapped, without thinking. I sighed and blew it off. "You obviously don't know her. Stubborn, immovable, and she spazzes out about everything. In other words: a total idiot."

"Even an... idiot... could never pull such a feat! How would it be accomplished by a child?"

I choked down the impulse to correct him and shook my head. "Just another one of the 'mysterious ways of Devon'. Trust me, you _don't _want to know." Mom nodded vigorously in agreement.

Gandalf's face wrinkled in a overly-happy smile. "Let's give it another stretch, Gimli, my dwarf! You've shown incredible devotion and I'm sure you will last the final stretch!" He gave the short dude a friendly tap on the head, but it only aggravated Gimli further.

I mustered cheery tone and started the old saying bouncily, "If you don't stick your neck out you'll never..." I thought for a moment before realizing the horrible inaccuracy of the cliche I chose. "Get your head chopped off..." I murmured the rest quietly, almost to myself. "Never mind." I said finally, looking down and shuffling my feet.

"So," said Mom, "First we check at my house, then we go to Devon's... alright?" I nodded wearily, Gimli grumbled, and Gandalf gave a hearty

laugh. His enthusiasm was rather disturbing.

Just then a police man came out of the building. "Hey!" he said, "You're the peeps with that crazy elf dude, aren't you?" We all stared. "Has he been cleared for release yet?"

Mom finally gathered her wits and smiled sweetly. "Yes, we've already paid the bail fee." The cop looked suspicious.

"Let me see the papers," he said sternly. We all looked at each other, stunned.

Devon had the papers.

The cop walked up to me --_me_!-- and held out his hand, sweaty palm up. "Well?" he said expectantly. My jaw dropped open and my throat closed up. I had to say something, but my mind went blank. My heart was skipping in mortification. I said the only thing I could think of: "Do you have a hat made out of giant gummy bears?"

"Shut UP!!!" Devon growls, resisting the urge to grab the stupid Elf's shoulders and jostle him hard. Legolas crosses his arms and plants his feet on the ground like a stubborn donkey.

"You will take me nowhere against my will!" he says sharply. Devon reached up and grabbed a handful of his golden hair. It was the last straw, the one person she obsesses over (actually, one of many people she obsesses over...) is going to be sent back to his unreal fantasy world (literally), and she wasn't going to stand for it, so she wass trying to hide him, but the stupid thing wouldn't be hidden! She pulled his head close to her face and took his dagger, which she had successfully stolen from Kara, and held it dangerously near the lock of shining hair.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Legolas yelled and struggled, his face whitening and his expression shifting into one of terror. "Fine!" He said in horrified resignation, "I will do this thing you ask! Just...just don't hurt my _beautiful_ hair!!!" Devon grinned and put the dagger away.

"I'm glad." She grabbed his arm and dragged him through Kara's hallway toward the one place no one would ever dare enter (unless they were as desperate as her): Kara's brother's old bathroom, the most disgusting place on earth. Devon shoved Legolas in the door and followed after him, closing the door behind them.

Glowing green and purple slime coated the faucet and inside of the toilet. Radioactive mold was slowly conquering the countertop. There were no corners, only cobwebs, sticking to everything and floating unnaturally through the air. The walls, (the few areas of which weren't covered in slime or mold) you could tell were spraypainted and the fluorescent light cast an eerie glow on it all. The stench made the air thick enough to cut a block from, and Legolas wrinkled his keen Elven nose in disgust.

"It is unclean...!"

Devon smiled and raised her eyebrows in a mocking manner. "I ancalima Elda ilya, nar elmë?" [The brightest Elf of all, aren't we?]

Legolas gaped and stared at her openly in disbelief. "Quetil Quenya?" [You speak Quenya?] She nodded slyly. Then, recognizing her slight, he glared at her silently for a moment. "Umil haryë." [You never know.] Legolas replied. Just then, the green and purple radioactive mold began to take a shape. Rippling like the disturbed surface of a puddle, it began to gather and form... wait... no... Two shapes... long and hideous, constantly twitching and twisting into grotesque positions... The mold had formed... ELROND'S EYEBROWS!!!!!!!!

AAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Oh, wait, I wrote this.....never mind. OMG, I am sooo sorry this took so long, thank you so much to my wonderful, faithful readers. Oh, I really don't know who that song Soft Kisses is by, and I'm too lazy to research it, but it's not mine. Legolas' opinions do not necessarily express the veiws of the authors!!!! We have nothing in particular against officers of the law. Also, We still have plenty of space in the Interlude, I need name, personality and LOTR character you obsess over(that last one is optional). Sorry this is later then promised, my cowriter is lazy(Jk!) And now, the replies:

Claire.Y: Thank you! Glad you like it. Awww, I think you hurt poor Leggy's feelings...........tough for him.

lindiriel39: Sorry we took so long.......it's not my fault! Well, it kinda is...but anyway....thanks for reviewing!

Chibi-chi: Thanks so much! Sorry to keep you waiting.

Anne Shard: Thanks! Hey, coffee and binges are both things I deal with frequently.....can't wait for the next chappie of your story either!

rogue mystique: Mmm, sugar.......no more froot loops for you So, are you Rogue or Mystique? Or are you Mystique as Rogue? Or could you not decide? Or should I shut up no matter how obsessed I am with X-men? Thanks for reviewing!

WildBlackWolf and Viva: Thank you so much! Ugh, I avoid mary-sues as much as possible. Maybe cause Legolas is crazy!

elrohir lover: Well, you have the slang down pat.......JK, thanks for reviewing!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like long reviews Hint hint to everyone else Don't worry....we moved far from ol'....uh, wow. It must be late. I'm forgetting Faramir's dad's name. SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!

ERMonkey, Burner of Cookies: Thanks for reviewing! This wasn't exactly ASAP, but we did our best, I promise.

Wow, so many reviews....I think I'm tearing up....sniffAll right, keep reading everyone! Remember we need people for the interlude! One last peice of advice......REVIEW, OR DIE!!!!!!!!!!! Love you guys!


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